I relapsed in my self-harm again because apparently a lot can happen in an hour… Who knew?
So, recently I’ve been keeping matches in my room because my neighbour has been smoking so much damn weed that sometimes it’ll start to stink out my room, so I have them to light candles to cover that smell. Thing is, the last few days I’ve been urging to harm, and having thrown out my blades, they were all I have.
I’ve never really thought about burning myself as a way of self-harming before, I don’t really know why I did it. I just did. Talking about this abuse stuff for my Step 4 is just too much it seems, and having heard my mum basically say everything I did for her meant nothing, really was the finishing touch that pushed me, so I took out a bunch of matches and well… You can guess what happened from there.
I’ve been so good at praying and talking about this stuff instead of harming, however it seems that every time I finally think I’m settling into those healthier habits, I end up relapsing over something stupid like this.
Hi Kayla!
You make absolute sense!
I’m proud of you for talking about it and reaching out here. You are not alone.
I’ve been in your shoes and I know it’s so damn hard, but I know you are capable and you are able to overcome once again.
You are an overcomer!
Don’t beat yourself up, what happened happened, forgive yourself and tomorrow is a new day. It’s okay to not be okay and it’s okay to start over.
For me it was essential to understand that it’s okay to start again and stand up again.
We all stand with you. You don’t have to get up alone, there are hands reaching out to you to help you.
We love you. I hope knowing that we care helps you a tiny bit.
You can always message me if you want to talk.
You are loved, dear one.
@Kayla
Hello friend,
I am sorry to hear about your relapse. I know how hard the self-injury-battle can be. Try not to get discouraged and dont be too hard on yourself. It’s a very difficult journey, especially when you throw out your preferred injury tools.
I’ve used cutting as my preferred form of SI, and threw out all my blades a few times, but eventually I also turned to burning. And now I struggle with both. For me, “if it’s not one thing, it’s another.” So I’m really just trying to identify the reasons for my injuring, and then redirect my behavior. Which, as I’m sure you know, is a very difficult process! Give yourself time, be patient and loving with yourself, and hang in there.
Sending well wishes and hugs
-Eyeless
You make a lot of sense! I know it is disappointing to have relapsed. But you can start over! Don’t let this one defeat get you down. It does NOT define you. You made it so long without self harming, and that counts for a lot! Maybe instead of candles you could have an essential oil diffuser. That way you could get rid of the matches so you wouldn’t be tempted. Just an idea.
F