Three years ago I graduated college. I haven’t had a job since. I went to college with the assumption of “having a degree alone would be worth it”. I had a plan in mind with a history degree and teaching. However, I found that teaching was not for me, but I continued to go to college and earned my degree. After graduating I knew I had to find another career other than teaching. So I tried to find careers within the history field.I looked at these careers and they just did not sound appealing. I wanted to find something to be passionate about so I could finally put all my effort into something and feel good about doing so. After not finding anything in that field I tried to broaden my scope. Months go by and now finally years go by. I find things that sound interesting, but I somehow talk myself out of pursuing them. I would think about those interesting things and think “I don’t actually like that” or "I don’t actually have to go to school to get a job there; If I wanted to work there bad enough I would put the effort and time into learning that job. Not only was I, myself, talking my way out of pursuing these things, other people were as well. They gave me warnings about the certain job, or reminded me that I actually don’t like those kind of things. This cycle of : being motivated to achieve a goal (job), thinking intensely about how to achieve that, and then talking myself out of pursuing that goal continues still today, even after 3 years. I have learned that it would almost be almost impossible to force myself into a job without knowing what good it will do other than get me money. I do not know and currently do not have a passion for something that could lead to a career. I want to be passionate about something so that I could put 100% effort into it, but I do not even know what I am passionate about. People say “you have to start with other things so that you can find your passion”, but I just don’t know how those other things (random jobs) will lead anywhere. I am very contemplative and logical. I don’t have much faith in whims. I cannot picture a random job being beneficial other than money. Which is not the main issue.
While this cycle continues my sense of guilt or being a burden stockpiles. I have lived with my hard working parents since college. I haven’t had a real, consistent job (only side jobs with my dad). I just feel like I’m letting my parents down by not finding something to pursue. This combined with my inner conflict helps me feeling stuck.
If anyone could help or give some guidance, It would be much appreciated.
Thank you.
