No one would miss me if i was gone. I tried. I really did, but the truth is that no one would really care. If they did they would also be here when I asked for help. If they did they would show up or at least let me know why they can’t make it to an appointment instead of letting me wait for over an hour. If it was only a couple of times, it would suck, but at least it would be understandable. But every time I make an appointment with someone it’s a question if they will show up. Half of the time they don’t. I’m not worth their time, so why am I still trying to get into contact with others?
When l die, people won’t realise I’m gone or that I did it myself. I’m smart enough to make it look like an accident. In fact it would be easy.
I have tried asking for help in therapy and via crisislines, but I’m getting tired. And I’m also tired of being hurt.
Hi Hopeless,
Before I say anything else, I have a few questions:
Do you have a plan to kill yourself?
Do you have everything you need to carry out your plan?
If the answer to any of the previous questions was yes, please call one of these numbers for someone better equipped to help you.
I’m sorry that you’re getting hurt by all of the difficult things you’re going through. Trying to ask for help and getting nothing in return can bring up feelings of worthlessness, which hurts a lot especially considering all the effort you put into yourself and all you have contributed for others. Even though it may seem pointless and tiring to keep reaching out, but I hope you will continue to use those resources as well as the forum. Being hurt and healing/asking for help takes a lot of energy, so thank you for putting that energy in to get the support you deserve.
I know one thing for certain though: you matter to me. I know I am some stranger on the internet, commenting on forum posts, but distance doesn’t change that you are worth so much. Nothing can change the fact that you are valuable and deserve to live.
I got you
-Gremlin
Yes, the plan has been there for years. And even if i had everything, it doesn’t mean that I will do it now. Because it’s not perfect. That’s why it’s not taken serious.
I thought for a while that the pain would lessen, but it doesn’t. It finds new ways.
Are people still valuable when they waste away? Do they still matter when they’re a blob in a small room that has difficulty getting up let alone do the things that need to be done?
Hey @Hopeless, thank you so much for being here and for sharing. I am so glad that you are here and I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. You don’t deserve that. I think it takes a ton of strength to be vulnerable and ask for help, so I am sorry that is the response that you have received.
As @supportgremlin said, I know that I am also just a random stranger on the internet, but I believe that this world is a better place with you in it. I know that I am not physically in your life, but I want to be able to be there for you, so please feel free to reach out or DM me whenever you might need someone to talk to. I experience depression and anxiety so can at least maybe somewhat relate to aspects of what you are going through.
I know things are dark right now, but I believe that what is true today doesn’t have to be true tomorrow.
You are not alone and you are loved 
I always take any thought of a plan seriously, no matter the feasibility. If you feel the need to write more, I’m here for that.
On the grand scale of things, we are all blobs on a spinning rock in space. Therefore, you are not less valuable than any other blob. Small blobs have it hard sometimes, and that’s okay, it happens to everyone. Not being able to get up today is a challenge in your way, not an indicator of your worth.
Hi there @Hopeless,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us here. It sounds like you’re going through a lot and it really stinks that people aren’t showing you the respect and care that you deserve. That can cause so many emotions to flair up, from anger to loneliness and general frustration.
I also hear and feel your statement “That’s why it’s not taken serious.” We care about you and take you seriously here. We care about your well-being, regardless of if this may turn into physical harm because we care about you – no strings attached.
Thank you again for being here and for sharing. I appreciate you.
<3 Tuna
Hey there. Your post really resonates with me because I’m going through something similar. I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing pain and difficulty. It really sucks when people in your life don’t show up. It seems really unfair to make an appointment and not follow through. It’s not your fault though, a lot of people unfortunately do that instead of communicate that they can’t go or don’t want to. I think it’s worth looking for people who will show up, who will give their time. Because there are people out there who will. I’m not sure if this helps, but one thing that keeps me going is knowing that there are billions of people in the world and you’ve only known a few. There’s ought to be ones who will just get you, who ARE worth your time.
I’m also very sorry that therapy and helplines are not working out for you. They are very difficult to access for me too, and I think in my case they are understaffed which is really not ideal because we really need help.
I may not know you personally, but you absolutely matter and I will definitely wonder how you are doing. I am so glad you reached out, it is a very brave and difficult thing to do. Getting over pain takes a lot of time and work, and it’s hard to do when you want people to make time with you but they don’t follow through. Sometimes you may even question if you are really getting over it or if you’re just being distracted from it. Regardless, I think that there is definitely more to life even when you live with pain, and the story doesn’t have to end here.
Sending love <3
Hopeless, thank you for sharing your raw emotions so vulnerably. I’m responding back to you as I sit in the ER alone with no one to support me I understand very well the thoughts of ending things because you think nobody would care. Those thoughts are heavy and understandable. It sounds like you are the type of person who would give or do anything for others and when others don’t follow through for you, even in therapy and hotlines, it would just seem you are wasting your time. The thing is, you are worth it and people who don’t value your time doesn’t make you invaluable, it shows that you’re pouring your time and worth into people or things that take you for granted. When you’re questioning whether people will show up for you ask yourself if you’re showing up for yourself in those moments. What are things you enjoy to do for you? What kind of people do you want to attract into your life? What do you enjoy doing for others? Instead of committing to the people who continue to hurt you, how can you commit to yourself? You would leave an empty space in this world because there is only one of you, one brain, unique ideas, experiences that can shape you into someone stronger. You my friend are inspirational.
-Collin