I’ve officially given up. There’s no hope for me. I’ve tried again and again, different ways of coping with pain, trying to think positively, all of it. Nothing works. I don’t know why I’m here honestly. I have nothing to offer. I have been through hell and back and it won’t stop. No matter what I do I’m always left alone, in the dark, with no one around. This Christmas has been really hard. This trip has been really hard. Coming home is traumatic enough, but now my grandma is in the hospital, and probably won’t make it. My friends bail on me, I keep running into situations that cause me to have breakdowns and I keep having flashbacks of memories of this place. It will never end. There’s no use trying. I’m so confused about everything in my life, every aspect of it. I don’t know who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going, what I believe in, there’s just no use in continuing this life.
Hey there! I get you,I do trust me. This Christmas has been hell for me too…I won’t say that I’ve found my reason to stay alive or something,because that would be a lie,but what I’m trying to say is that you’ll never be alone in this situation. You’re not the only one,you’re not alone. I don’t know if this helps,but I care about you even if I don’t know you. I know you’re scared and you think you’re weak. But you’re very strong,if you’re still here despite it all…please keep doing that
@nicole_kaley sounds like you’ve been through the ringer this holiday season. I know that it sounds like the best option is to give up and quit, but I want to encourage you to do just the opposite. One of the things we believe in strongly here at HeartSupport is that age old catchphrase, “It’s okay to not be okay.” However, we would strongly add to that “but it’s not okay to stay that way.”
Sorting through our disappointment, grief, and trauma is paramount to becoming a whole and resilient person.
In their book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy, Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg explain:
”We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P’s can stunt recovery: (1) personalization—the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence—the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever. The three P’s play like the flip side of the pop song ‘Everything Is Awesome’—‘everything is awful.’ The loop in your head repeats, ‘It’s my fault this is awful. My whole life is awful. And it’s always going to be awful.’”
Right now it sounds like your life is the flip side of that pop song—everything is awful, life sucks, I don’t know why I try. But if I could give you any encouragement it would be this today:
They say butterflies will die if you help them from their chrysalis (cocoon); that the work of pulling themselves free strengthens the wings enough to fly. And without that work, they never will. I know it’s the same with people. We need to struggle to build strength. It’s the only way to do so — and the only way to thrive.
Being a guy who loves the gym, the most obvious example I can think of is physical —the exertion, breaking down and rebuilding of muscles, tendons, ligaments in order to make them stronger.
But it’s true for emotional and mental strength as well. And that’s not to say that we must allow emotional abuse, but it is to say that emotional and mental work is necessary to live your life fully. Be sure to keep that in mind as you go forward. Struggle and emerge, and know that above all, you have people here to process all this with you, support you, and cheer along the way.
I remember when the loneliness seemed to be suffocating and crushing. The trick is to accept it. To accept that most likely you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. You can’t expect others to do what you aren’t willing to do.
So it is good you’ve given up and have no hope. Problem with hope is most of what others calll hope is a false hope. The problem is expectations. Expectations is assumptions. Assumptions are usually wrong & cause a lot of trauma.
Now am I saying give up on living? Nope. Live your life. Accept that your life is going to be full of pain & loneliness. Then take this opportunity to improve all the aspects of yourself. What you want others to do for you. Do for them. Don’t expect anything to be fixed. Sometimes the best way to remain strong is to stay broke.
I do hope good things happen for you. Never give up.