It’s gonna be a new year but it doesn’t feel like It. It feels llike nothing is going to change. I want to stop self-harming but I’m finding it so hard to do that. I really want to stop and I that’s my new year’s resolution but it’s so hard. Everything is kind of just eating at me. There’s a voice in my head telling me that you can’t stop and you will never be able to. There’s always one person who tells me that I can. He’s helped tremendously but I still don’t believe I can stop. I cry and scream, and I don’t feel better so I cut. I have no idea what the future holds. There’s not a lot of things that help me stay distracted so I don’t cut. I cut and I feel better. I’m scared that I’m never going to stop. That person who tells me I can also tells me that everything is going to be alright.
But in reality it doesn’t feel alright. I ve dealt with self harm since about fifth grade. I started in fifth grade and I stopped and then picked up where I left off. No one besides one person knows. I’m better off staying stuck in a corner then coming out of the corner because it’s so much easier. I can’t really tell anybody about this. I get scared when I’m alone and I have something sharp in my room cause I feel tempted to cut. No one understands what I’m going through besides one person. I would’ve never thought that I would’ve cut again. I feel like a totally different person. I had someone let me borrow the book rewrite and he told me to do the jounaling section. I still haven’t done it. I want to but then at the same time I don’t. There are days where I will sit in bed and not even get out of it cause what’s the point. What’s the point in everything. I’m scared of people finding out and so much more. I don’t even know what the point is in even trying. I don’t know what to do. There’s no hope for me. I’m helpless and hopeless.
Well being aware of your triggers can help you out. Also, don’t beat yourself if you gave in. It doesn’t mean you fail. What is failure is when you just quit and be like “I’ll never do it so why try?”
Be strong. Keep moving on. <3
@Angie we are messed up here sister. It’s okay to feel like this, don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s hard to stop, but try to remember what you are fighting for. Yourself. And you are worth it. Fighting, wanting to stop, continuing to try even after failing, that is worth to be living. You don’t feel like it, but you are strong. You feel tired to have fighting so long. There can be meaning, if you create it. Find a hobby, something to occupy yourself with and work on it, get better at it. Don’t let them turn away.
I knew someone who was a coward with a bad ankle. He always used a crutch to walk. But one time a fire caught and he rushed across the room to put it out, without his crutch. He thought he needed it, but he didn’t really, he just leaned on it alot. It didn’t have to be that way. He became braver and stronger to learn to walk on his own. You can do the same. One step at a time. You don’t need it. You think you do, but all you need is your pride.
To give you hope for this new year, Goodbye Agony - Black Veil Brides
I’m sorry you are not doing well. I don’t understand you or the ones who self-harm. But I do understand of feeling hopeless and helpless. These are lies we are believing, and we shouldn’t let it get to us. God loves you. You are a wonderful creation. You were created for a purpose. You are here to be a light to others. I believe you will get better. This community is here for you.
There’s no shame in depression or self-harm. It’s normal for people to get very down and upset and anxious sometimes and some people are more prone to it than others (for all sorts of complex reasons).
You’re not hopeless and you’re not helpless. We are helping you as much as we can (of course, it would be a lot better in person, but sadly we can’t do that at the moment).
Hi Angie. Thank you for reaching out and being so honest. I’m sorry you’re struggling like this. I understand this completely - I’ve dealt with cutting since 9 years old so I started young too. I’m glad that you have someone there to help you - and I think there is things you can put in place with him that might be helpful to you.
One thing I did with my best friend for a while was having a “emergency word”. As soon as I felt an urge to cut or get high (because I’m also an addict) I would text her just a single word that we agreed, and she would know that I need help. I never thought I could stop either, but I found HeartSupport and have been able to get some sort of control over both cutting and my addiction.
Do you think that your own copy of ReWrite would be useful to you so you can give that copy back to your friend? We can get you a copy for free if that would be something you’d like. You’re worth recovery. It’s so hard to overcome things we are addicted too, but I promise you, it’s possible.
HeartSupport has an app for iPhone/Android with some truth audios. They are amazing, only a few minutes long. I highly recommend “Recovery is hard” that has helped me. https://subsplash.com/heartsupport/media/ms/+7s3r4mx
Hold Fast
Kayla
@Angie, you are not helpless and hopefully. You’re loved and you’re valuable. Keep a look out for @Danjo posting today’s Twitch stream on your thread - there’s a LOT of valuable information in there for you. You’re strong and we care about you! Hold fast, friend.
hey angie, sorry things are difficult right now, i hear you
Thank you for your transparency! I know it feels as if you are alone and that no one understands you. Please know that this community has been built upon those who confide, console, and walk alongside each other for support in life’s struggles. We are here for you! Antonio Tijerino said it best, “You are not lucky to be here. The world needs your perspective. They are lucky to have you.” Fight for hope and know you belong and matter! We are here for you.
-L