Not appreciated

My life has been nothing but a hell hole. My dad fell down pretty bad and I’ve been taking care of him for a week straight and being feeling over stressed . I attempted to kill myself twice this week and I’m only getting worse.I feel like my dad doesn’t appreciate me and he is really hurting me physically and emotionally. I’ve also been having several severe panic attacks where j was almost rushed to the ER due being under a lot of stress. I haven’t been eating much either since I have seem to have lost my appetite since I’ve been stressing so much. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m stuck

4 Likes

If you are feeling that much stress, call 211, or a suicide hotline. You won’t be able to help your dad if you’re not alive.

Has your dad ever been good at expressing appreciation?

Is your willingness to help contingent on his ability to express appreciation?

If he needs care, and is making it too hard for you to provide it, you need help. Is there anyone who can provide it ?

You cannot take care of him adequately if you are neglecting yourself.

I hope things get better for both of you. Please stop back and let us know how you’re doing.

1 Like

Is your father being abusive towards you? If so, then you are under no obligation to take care of him and jeopardize your mental health and physical wellbeing.

Has he always been this way or is this his way of venting his anger at being helpless now and needing someone to take care of him?
Let someone take over, hire someone, let him go to a hospital to be taken care of.

caregiving is not an easy role to pick up, and it can get really really overwhelming all at once. You can feel like your life is suddenly all about catering to the needs of this one person, and if he is not being appreciative, then it can feel pointless and you can feel useless.
But I wanna let you know - that week of service you have done is appreciated by me. I’ve been a caregiver and I know the effort it takes and the mental stress it puts you under.

You need to take care of yourself too. It’s not Selfish, it’s SURVIVIAL. And your life has value and is important too.

We’re here if you need to vent or rant to get out some of the frustration, and maybe even the regret you feel in deciding to help out your dad. But please, you matter to us, and we want you to be safe.

Let us know what’s going on. We’re here for ya, friend.

1 Like

He has always been this way since my mom passed away. He has a severe alcohol addiction and plus he has been smoking weed every night and day thinking it might cure the pain in his back and hip. He doesn’t show appreciation to me at all and he’s hurting me emotionally and physically. He lets out his anger on me because I’m the middle child and the only child left in the house and I’m easy to access. He yells at me if I do one thing too slow or completely wrong. I came to my brothers to feel better but I’m only feeling 1000x worse than I did when I left. I’m not even getting any help from my brother for my emotional health it feels like I’m suffocating in so pain and hurt I can’t live much longer like this

4 Likes

@RickyP

I’m so sorry that this is happening. You have a really good understand of the situation and it is a ver brave step to talk aout it as you are doing here.

Your dad right now is not in a position of being a parent to you. He surely has his own demons, but his behavior is not okay. As your dad, it is his duty to provide your safety, love and care.

You’ve mentioned being the middle child - are you in good terms with your older sibling(s)? Are they aware of the situation and/or could they eventually help you? It’s okay to ask for help, friend. You are not creating the situation. You and your dad right now need help, a type of help that goes beyond what you can provide to each other at the moment. If you feel stuck, then some steps will need to be taken in order to get help from now on. You deserve to be safe, friend. :hrtlegolove:

2 Likes

From: Zephirah

Hello! Love you very much. Hope you and your father get the help you need. You are loved. Hold fast.

3 Likes

From: Aethyen

Hello, it seems very hard to deal with all of this. Just wanted you to know that you are loved. Is there anyone you can reach out to that can lend a hand? An Aunt, Uncle, one of your siblings? Your life is worth living.

3 Likes

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, thank you for posting, my goodness you are having a tough time aren’t you and I am so sorry. The very first thing I want to say to you is if you feel like hurting yourself again please call someone or a crisis line for help, your life is valua-ble, you are valuable. It is incredibly hard to take care of a loved one and that cannot be understated, there are so many emotions thrown into the situation. I am sorry that your dad is hurting you physically and emotionally, this is clearly wrong and completely unacceptable, and you do not have to put up with it but I would like you to please stop trying to hurt yourself. You are in no way responsible to care for your dad or anyone else who mistreats you. You could give your dad a choice if you don’t wish to walk away, you could sit down and quietly explain to him that you are willing to continue to help him, but you will no longer accept his behaviour and if he does contin-ue, he will have to take care of himself. Sometimes you have to give people a set of rules about what you are and are not willing to accept, sometimes you just have to spell it out and then they have a choice if they wish to accept it. If they then choose to continue to mistreat you, you can walk away know-ing you did your best and have nothing to feel bad about. Friend you must take care of yourself and your mental health. You are important, you are a good carer, and you are worth more than being treated poorly. I wish you nothing but the very best, please stay in touch with us, you can post any time. Much Love Lisa. x

2 Likes

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi @RickyP Taking care of someone is pretty hard and stressful on it’s own, so having the person you’re taking care of not appreciate you and treat you wrong is 100 times worse. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. I don’t know you’re situation, but I hope you can get someone to help you. This all seems a bit too much for you and it’s having a bad effect on your mental health. Take care. ~Mystrose

3 Likes

Hi RickyP
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Your situation is a complicated one but the one thing that I can say with certainty is that your dad has not the right abusing you as he does. I know your dad has been through a lot but you have been through a lot too and he is just a big broken mess that is hurting you and others by his hurtful habbits and toxic behavior. I wanted to ask you if you have any family members that you could ask for help. It is not your responsibility to take care of your dad. He is an adult and he should be taking care of you not the other way around. Try to contact other family members that could help you in some way. If that does not help then try to seek help elsewhere. Whats happening in your home is an abuse and you dont have to take that from your dad. If he is ungrateful for your help and support then he does not have to have it. He is the one who is the villain here not you. I hpe the situation gets better and you will get the help you need. Take care now :slightly_smiling_face:

2 Likes

From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello again, RickyP!
That’s kind of you to help take care of your dad but it sounds like it’s taking a huge toll on you. And just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean you have to take care of him especially at your own expense.

You matter and you matter as way more than just his child and caretaker. If he doesn’t appreciate what you do then why do it? If he isn’t willing to care about his own health then you don’t have to either. He’s the parent, not you. I hope you focus on caring for yourself and not him. Relax and breathe. Eat and sleep. Please get away from him as soon as you can and find someplace safe to stay where you can relax and come back from the edge of giving up.

Please don’t give up. Keep fighting, friend. Eat something delicious. No matter what it is, just eat something. Do something fun. Anything. Just be you and take care of you.

Please keep us updated and I hope to continuing reading about your life and your journey for a long time to come :hrtlegolove:

2 Likes