Not Calming Down

[FaeTheProud]

So I’ve been having very high anxiety since Monday morning. I only figured out why on Tuesday night. It’s because of what my mothers ex did, my mother let him btw, to me many years ago. I really don’t feel like explaining everything again so if you would like to hear the actual story go to my page and go to the post named “I Was Made Uncomfortable”. Basically he felt my behind and used my eczema as an excuse. My mother was in the room and did nothing. She even was explaining why it was like that to him. Anyway, all this to say, right now I’m having an eczema flare up in that spot and that makes me have a ton of anxiety. I know that it’s something that I have no control over. But it doesn’t help.

[nyntje]

Hey Sarah,
I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through this heightened anxiety state and I totally understand why that would be the case when something like that happened. I want you to know that you are a real strong and brave person. You’re reaching out here for support and understanding and I just want you to know that I greatly respect you for the courage that you’re showing because it’s not easy speaking out. I hope your eczema and your anxiety calms down soon and until then I’ll be sending you a lot of good vibes and love. I also hope that you will learn how to live with your anxiety, because I also know it can be very debilitating to have an anxiety attack.
Do you have help with your anxiety? Or even someone to talk with about the things that happened? You don’t have to answer me, but I hope that during these times you’re not locking yourself away and avoiding talking with people. You deserve to be heard and you deserve a lot or love and compassion (also from yourself).
I’m here if you want to talk, draw, or just listen to music together. I’m also told I’m very good at making virtual pillowfords, with warm beverages, and a lot of plushies.
Thinking of you.
-Nyntje

[Micro]

Hey Sarah,

I just read your other topic again and I’m so sorry that happened. His attitude was definitely wrong and he didn’t have the right to touch you, no matter what was the poor justification behind his behavior. It made you uncomfortable, it’s all that matters.

It sounds that your body is still reacting in its own way, and I’m sorry that I don’t have any specific advice to share with you besides being really patient with yourself and your body, and also to talk to a doctor about it if you can.

I personally struggle with a type of physical urticaria that makes my skin very itchy whenever there’s a pressure on it, and it’s commonly called “allergy to touch”. It prevents me to do things I want such as exercising outside or dancing. With a past of being victim of physical abuses, I understand that it’s also how my body keeps reacting to something that was wrong. It’s delayed and not appropriate, it gets worse when I clearly see myself having traumatic responses to a random situation - our bodies have their own memory too. Part of it is physical, part of it is emotional, and overall it requires a holistic approach to healing. But I hear you: it’s frustrating to not have control over it, and it creates this vicious cycle of anxiety → physical reaction → anxiety because of the reaction… and so on. Step by step, you’ll learn to break that cycle though. You’re already aware that it makes you anxious, which means that you know that is something you can try to have a positive impact on.

All of this to say: you’re not alone, friend. It may take some time to heal from those physical reactions, but you will. Keep taking care of yourself as much as possible (nutrition, sleep, physical activity and all your essential needs, but take care also of your mind and your heart, as your emotions and feelings matter as much).

I’m sorry that I can’t offer more help as I too feel quite helpless in my own battle. But I believe it is possible to heal. We both will, at our own pace. Be gentle with yourself. Treat your body with as much love and compassion possible. You deserve all the love.