I absolutely refuse to talk to anyone in my family about my struggles.
I can’t do it and I won’t.
I was going to go back to counseling but that got messed up today when the place called the house phone. Family house phone.
It was only my sister here but now I feel devastated and defeated. When I was going to counseling I felt like such an annoyance. Just the way I was looked at by my mom and sister and talked to by them. Like there was something wrong with me.
I feel so broken and like I’m just annoying and a burden. I wish I never would have asked for a referral. I literally don’t get why they called the family house phone when I specifically said to call my cell phone.
I give up on going to counseling or therapy or anything. It never works out.
Maybe I’m just stupid and creating bigger problems for myself that don’t even exist.
I’ll just shut up and keep lying about how I feel from now on. I’m so stupid for even trying.
You’re not stupid. It’s not stupid to try to get help, it’s surviving. It may feel hopeless, but we all fall down sometimes. And that’s okay. Other people shouldn’t define you. I know how it feels to have family look at you like there’s something wrong with you. But they don’t know what’s going on in your head. You can get through this, friend. I believe in you. Hold Fast
You are being way too hard on yourself right now.
Like I mentioned earlier, I understand that you want to keep it on the down low and don’t want to talk about it, but you shouldn’t feel bad or ashamed or guilty for wanting to see a therapist and you definitely should not rob yourself of that safe place due to something like that.
Maybe give it a week or two and try to make an appointment? Or call them and double check they have the right number and have them remove the house phone. That way it doesn’t happen again.
You should still make the appointment. That way it’s set for you. You can always decide against it later…but friend, don’t take that away from yourself. It sounds like it could be a really good thing