Not good enough for my friends

logi · March 25, 2020, 5:08am

hey y’all, I guess I’m only here because I don’t know where else to vent or to even get help, I’m not sure if I’m expecting much but here goes I guess.

I don’t think I’m a very good friend, Everytime I slip up on even the smallest issue, I feel like I’m not good enough. Even if one of my friends tells me it’s not a big deal, I can’t handle it and I think I’m only just a burden.

I don’t have depression or suicuidal thoughts but I do have a lot of pent up anxiety and stress and I don’t know where to release all of it. I usually can’t relax while playing a game or watching a movie or anything, it’s always on my mind no matter what.

I really have messed up in the past with some of my best friends, I don’t want to lose them because I really do feel like I am changing but I feel like it’s too late for redemption. They tell me they care for me but then they never really show it and it makes me feel like I’ve messed up even more.

Another thing is, I get really jealous whenever something happens that I want to go my way but it dosent. For example, a friend I really admire and look up to dosent wanna spend any time with me but rather wants to spend time with another friend of mine, it makes me feel like I’m not good enough for them, nothing but a burden, nobody would wanna hang around someone who only causes you stress. I get that not everything in life can go our way but it feels like it happens way more often then it should.

I don’t know what to expect from this but I really need help, but I don’t want to ask my friends anymore because they always talk about me elsewhere, it’s almost like they don’t trust me. I do love them and they aren’t bad people to be around, it’s just my fault.

Maisnow · March 25, 2020, 12:37pm

Hi! First think welcome to this community. I am glad that you are here to share this with us

Really I am very glad that you decided to tell this because I have been feeling like that and there are days that I still feel like that, like I am not worth for the people around me and I have done so many mistakes that I have lost people for that and there are times that I am scared of losing the people that still are with me.

But what I am starting to learn, thanks for this community and the people I talked to outside of the Internet, that mistakes help us to grow up and that you arent a burden, you are human and no one is perfect. But the people that really support you and want you in their life will love you even with your inperfection.

I know that is hard but if you have people that are around you and they have tell you that they are okay with you, believe them because, what they gain of lying to you?. When someone want to be with you, you will know and you will know too when someone want to go out of your life. You are worth of loving and you are worth to have friends that care about you. So please start seeing yourself like you really are, like you are a good enough because you are, dont listen what your though are trying to you believe, remember you can be your own best friend or your worst enemy, I hope that you will find a way to become your own best friends.

People will go out of your life and it wont be your fault, is their decision and maybe it would be for the best because It can help you to grow and to understand what not to do the next time. You know when one door close, others door start opening.

To finish this, I have to say that you need to forgive yourself and let the past go, because if you dont stop being on the past, you wont be able to grow and to fully learn what the past was trying for you to learn. So start caring about you because you are worth and those friends that have stayed they love you too.

And changes have their down and their high and you will find moment that you feel like you havent changed, but you are, just dont stop trying to be the best version of you

You have us here if you want to talk.

Take care friend

And have a good day.

anon17277947 · March 25, 2020, 1:41pm

I can relate to those feelings. I’ve been there at different areas of my life. It’s tough.

Something I learned early on was that jealousy is a rough and dangerous emotion. It can really eat you and strain your friendships. It’s so important that when it starts to kick in that you try to be aware of those emotions and work through them. It’s valid to have feelings or even feel disappointed when things don’t go as we had hoped. But jealousy can be rough not just for them but also for you. It’s a miserable emotion. Rarely ever goes well and can cause us to cycle on bad energy.

Sounds like you guys have a lot of stuff you need to work through. A good civil heart to heart could go a long way. Being open to each other, hearing each other out. Accepting each other’s feelings with love, support and patience. Sometimes we just need to talk it out. I’ve had to do that with a couple friends. We just told ourselves we were going to be honest and respectful and we were able to talk through our feelings and why we felt how we did

Be open to one another. That’s what friends do

SheetMetalHead · March 25, 2020, 4:03pm

@Maisnow said it well.

It sounds to me like you’re overly hard on yourself. I am overly hard on myself too, but over the years I’ve learned not to project that onto the people around me unless they call me out. Why would they play off something that truly upset them? When someone tells me it’s no big deal, I close my eyes and repeat that to myself 3 times. It may not relieve all my anxiety over having made a mistake, but it helps me internalize the fact that my friends don’t really think it’s a big deal. Say it to yourself 3 times, then shake it off and continue having fun with your friends! With practice, it will help you minimize your momentary anxiety too!

The fact that you have people around you who care about you, don’t use you, and don’t treat you like an afterthought shows that you are a good friend! To err is human, and little mistakes don’t jeopardize relationships. Your mistakes from the past have passed and faded, and if you learned from them, they were worthwhile.

The friend you admire who doesn’t want to spend time with you doesn’t sound like a friend to me. My best advice is to stop reaching out to that person. If they care about you, they’ll reach out and check on you. If they don’t, that tells you where you stand with them, and if you cut them loose you can stop feeling like you’re not good enough for them. Focus on the friends that want to spend time with you, and remind yourself that they’re sincere when they say that your mistakes aren’t that big a deal. You don’t sound like a burden to me. Your friends don’t want a perfect friend, they want a real friend who cares, and it sounds to me like that’s who you are.