hey y’all, I guess I’m only here because I don’t know where else to vent or to even get help, I’m not sure if I’m expecting much but here goes I guess.
I don’t think I’m a very good friend, Everytime I slip up on even the smallest issue, I feel like I’m not good enough. Even if one of my friends tells me it’s not a big deal, I can’t handle it and I think I’m only just a burden.
I don’t have depression or suicuidal thoughts but I do have a lot of pent up anxiety and stress and I don’t know where to release all of it. I usually can’t relax while playing a game or watching a movie or anything, it’s always on my mind no matter what.
I really have messed up in the past with some of my best friends, I don’t want to lose them because I really do feel like I am changing but I feel like it’s too late for redemption. They tell me they care for me but then they never really show it and it makes me feel like I’ve messed up even more.
Another thing is, I get really jealous whenever something happens that I want to go my way but it dosent. For example, a friend I really admire and look up to dosent wanna spend any time with me but rather wants to spend time with another friend of mine, it makes me feel like I’m not good enough for them, nothing but a burden, nobody would wanna hang around someone who only causes you stress. I get that not everything in life can go our way but it feels like it happens way more often then it should.
I don’t know what to expect from this but I really need help, but I don’t want to ask my friends anymore because they always talk about me elsewhere, it’s almost like they don’t trust me. I do love them and they aren’t bad people to be around, it’s just my fault.