I relapsed 2 days ago an im still in a lot of pain, One if my teachers are mad with me because i couldn’t come there classes since my internet crashed on my computer. I’ve also been on and off of being suicidal but been hiding it from everyone bc i don’t want them to deal with it anymore not after last year with the amount they had to deal with me being suicidal. I’ve been just close to being giving up with life at this point.
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Hey @Horselover200246,
I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. although I’m so very proud of you right now for breaking down this isolation that you might feel stuck with. Whenever we are overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts and/or thoughts of hurting ourselves, staying alone can be very tempting. But you are not alone, and you don’t need to fight this battle only by yourself. I promise you, there is no need to hide. You can be your vulnerable self at least right here and anytime.
What would you think about trying to fill the following Safety Plan in times to come? Just so you could have something to rely on whenever you feel overwhelmed and when the pain gets too much. It would be good to make sure, preventively, that you will take steps that are needed in order to stay safe when you are struggling.
This could be a first step. Just one that could help us help you, but also all the people you include in your support system.
On a different note, do you know if anything triggered your relapse lately? What are your present burdens, friend? <3
Your life is important. You matter. There’s no one like you in this world. 
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I don’t know what has caused the replase but i am pretty sure it’s because of the suicidal thoughts
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Hi Horselover200246
I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. Stress, anxiety and depression are all very serious issues to deal with. I am sorry you have relapsed. It must have been a lot on you. But you are now doing the healthy thing to do and reaching out. Super proud of you 
. I am going to post a link with a video that deals with healthy ways to deal with such things that can replace self harm. I hope some of them help you Self-Harm and Self-Care: Tips on How To Cope - YouTube
Also here is something extra from the same channel that might help 
Stop Negative Thoughts - YouTube
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A good way to not harm is getting Elmer’s glue and peeling it off. Also, coloring, drawing, painting, and making something has really helped me deal with it.
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@Horselover200246
First off I am proud of you for coming and sharing all of this. It is not easy to be open and honest about things like this. I hope that it is currently a little bit better for you. Struggling of any type like this is super tough. I know that personally this is a struggle I have been through this never ending change and never ending amount of things that bring back those thoughts. But let me ask you this have you ever considered trading to something new to aid in that idea of not harming but rather coping. So something my therapist taught me was this idea of choosing an activity or item in place of harming. You are able to find something that you enjoy doing like for me it is crocheting that you can take the time to do in place of the whole harming side. I also have a special rock given to me by said therapist who is a safety person. She told me to use it and rub it hold it whatever I wanted when I was in a place of needing to find what self harm and such did for me. I know that might not be the same for you but it is okay. Find things like that coloring, drawing, reading, anything that takes your mind away from that moment and move forward in a new way.
Hold fast Ash (Discord Swat 1)
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Hello Horselover,
Well I am sorry to hear that. I have those too so just know that you are not alone. You took one of the hardest steps out there. You reached out to this forum. So you are going pretty well. Also I recommend filling your empty time with some stuff. Because suicide ideas mostly come when you have time to do nothing but think. And dealing with self harm is kinda same. You need to leave your brain no time to think but do great stuff. You should do stuff that makes you happy. You should go out with friends. You should watch some great movies. Thats how I dealt with it mostly. I know its hard at the start but when you start doing stuff and keep being busy, you will slowly forget those and everything will be fine!
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