It just hurts right now and it doesn’t stop hurting. I want to kill myself but I know I can’t. I can only hope to die from an accident. I try my best to be kind and to comfort those who need it at least. I don’t want people to feel like I do. This suffocating feeling is too much. I know im going to cry tonight and oversleep tomorrow.
Oh, @Amaris. If I could I would give you a giant hug right now.
I am so sorry that you’ve been feeling so much weight on your shoulders. It’s okay to let yourself cry when you need it, and as much as your heart needs it. I feel that heaviness with you. And I am aware that my words may not be of a great comfort, but I see you right now and you are not alone.
Some days I too feel so vulnerable that I’d do anything for the pain to stop. And that’s just it. Hurting and hurting, without really knowing why. Only a huge amount of pain coming from nowhere, unexpectedly. I feel it in my heart and my body. Like this world becomes deeply unsafe. Like I could feel the pain of others all reunited. And just like you: I don’t want others to suffer the way I do. But feeling like this can be very overwhelming.
I hope, with all my heart, that you will take care of yourself in the next hours and days. Do what makes you feel safe, what brings some joy to your soul. For me generally it’s mostly about being in a cosy blanket, drinking a warm coffee, having some chocolate, reading messages from people I love, watching a movie, looking after pictures of cute animals (baby weasels are the best, I swear ;p)… things like that. <3 When you feel like suffocating, it’s okay to take some time for yourself and do what helps you, without having to justify it to anybody. Those feelings will pass, friend. Allow yourself to take the time you need to let it go.
I hope you’ll get some restful sleep. Also that you’ll enjoy a bit of the sun - if the weather allows it - today. Be gentle with yourself. Try to slow down a little. You’ll be okay. And if things gets darker, please keep reaching out. I hear your pain, entirely. But disappearing is not a solution, even if it is tempting to think about it. Your life matters. And there is some beauty in this world that is worth to keep going on. And it starts with you. The unique and beautiful person that you are. <3
You are so loved. Hang in there, friend.