Not sure how to keep the depression at bay

This is my first post here, but I’ve been wanting to join this forum for a while. It’s 2:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep so I figure why not post something now.
My depression (not formally diagnosed) has been better, lately, but my happiness doesn’t last. I’ll be okay for a few days at the beginning of the week, but then I start feeling incredibly overwhelmed again. By Wednesday or Thursday, I’m feeling pretty horrible and I don’t want to do anything. I’ll be overwhelmed by the simplest and most normal of tasks. It’s weird, I can get up on a stage and perform in front of people (I’ll still be nervous) but I find that so much easier than regular daily life. Maybe it has do to with feeling like I don’t have time to be happy because of my responsibilities. Like, there’s no time for me and I’m just burned out and then I feel guilty focusing on myself, even if that just means taking the time to eat a meal.
Something like performing brings me joy, but daily life does not. I know there are a lot of people out there who are worse off than myself, so then I start to feel guilty that I’m complaining at all.
I have some friends IRL and some close friends on the Internet, but there are some things that I don’t want to talk about with them, for whatever reason. I feel like the ones I do talk to about serious stuff have heard it all from me before, and that I sound like a broken record. I feel like I bring negativity into so many conversations and I try so hard not to. I try to be positive and happy but I can’t always fake how I feel. I don’t want to drag anyone down.
I guess I’m just looking for someone to talk to; just looking for a safe place to express my feelings and vent. I have to let my sadness and frustration out so they don’t drown me.
Not sure how to end this post so I’ll just say thank you for taking the time to read it.

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Hello friend! Thank you for taking the time to open up and share your story. I am grateful that you are here and a part of our community at Heart Support. You came to a great, safe place to share and hear from others. We truly do all care about each other here.

I’m sorry to hear that you have been struggling lately. It sounds like you have many up and down days. You are certainly not alone in that. It also sounds like you compare what you are going through to others’ suffering. While it’s easy to do that, just know that your pain and suffering is unique to you and it doesn’t help to compare to others. You are absolutely allowed to feel how you feel and it’s important that you be gentle with yourself during those vulnerable days.

I also struggle with many down days. I have very bad depression and anxiety and on the bad days, it can be hard to get motivation to do anything at all. I can understand where you are coming from. It’s tough to focus on work and priorities in life.

My friend, you are not alone. It may feel that way on many days when you are in pain but we love you here and most importantly, God loves you, just the way you are. You have incredible value and worth. Even when you feel overwhelmed by life and don’t feel like anyone understands, that’s okay. It’s normal to feel that way when you are going through depression.

I hope you are having a better day today. Take care of yourself and stay strong!

  • Geoffrey

The feeling of being overwhelmed is so close to home for me. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed with my dad going through the journey of cancer. I also know the feeling of thinking I sound like a broken record. I feel like whoever I talk to they have heard it all. I don’t always want to talk, especially when temptation crosses my mind. I know that over the course of the week or a day even I can get into this spiral. I feel numb. I felt like this a couple days ago. I got out of it by being around laughs and positivity. Just know that you’re not alone friend. We’re here for you! :heart:

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I feel like the only time I’m happy is when I’m dancing. I have something in me that dreads hanging with family.

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Depression for me has gotten to the point where it’s affecting my sleep schedule and simple tasks that I have to do around the house (Ex. Taking out the trash) <-- I havent been able to do this task in the last 3 weeks because of the depression and I get so down on myself for it. For me, keeping depression definitely takes some effort. I’ve started cooking for myself and I find it VERY THERAPEUTIC whenever I get those episodes of depression.


Thank you for the warm welcome! I hope you are doing well today :slightly_smiling_face:
I did have a great day Saturday. Went to a Comic Con and had a great time!
I definitely do have a lot of up and down days, though. Today is not a great day but for how little sleep I got and what I’m going through at the moment, I’m surprised at how awake and focused I am. There’s probably some good vibes leftover from the weekend.
Anxiety certainly fuels my depression some days. It becomes a vicious cycle. But God is a part of my life so praying does help in the darkest of moments.

Thank you for your support; I hope you are having an easy day today :slightly_smiling_face:
It is very difficult to have a loved one who is sick. My own parents can still do many things for themselves, but I’m also a caregiver for them. Some days are harder than others, especially when they are ill.
It’s certainly hard when it feels like there’s no one to talk to, or when I have something on my mind but don’t feel like talking.
That downward spiral is such an awful feeling. There are times when the day starts out great and I think I’ve got a handle on things. But then some little thing comes up and it’s enough to push my anxiety over the edge. Then I end up depressed that I can’t get anything done because I’m paralyzed by my emotions.
“Little things” can also make a difference in terms of happiness, though, like seeing the fireflies at night.

I’m glad that you have dancing as a source of happiness in your life!
Spending time with certain family members can be a source of anxiety for me, too. Especially because of past events or how they’ve treated me, or if we are not on good terms.

Myself, I’m usually tired most of the time. Lately, I’ve had some insomnia, though. Makes it difficult when I have to be up early for work, or if I have to work late.
Mowing the lawn is something I struggle with. I’ve gotten better since I don’t have major anxiety attacks about it like I used to. But now it’s more of a feeling like I don’t have time (because of work and other obligations), weather (it has rained a lot here and now is just really hot), and/or feeling physically unable to complete the task (tiredness, illness, etc). There’s been times where I’ve been so overwhelmed by life that I haven’t been able to mow the yard for about a month… Luckily, neighbors have been helpful and understanding and have on occasion mowed parts of the yard for me when they see I haven’t been able to get to it.
I’m glad that cooking has been a positive activity for you! Having a short, attainable goal that you can focus on, like cooking a dish, is certainly helpful when we feel like we are overwhelmed and can’t get things done.

I find living in the now is helpful. What I mean is, for me, if I think too far down the road sometimes things can seem hopeless and overwhelming because I’m caught up in that depressive spiral. And that makes sense too–when you feel like your drowning nothing seems enjoyable or worthwhile or exciting. I think to focus then at the moment at hand, and have some “go-to’s” to help drag yourself out. I know dragging yourself out of that depressive spiral is difficult believe me, but I think it’s worth a try anyway. Much better than feeling helpless for me anyway.

Some things I do is I get up and I make myself move. I say make because it’s not easy when you feel like that. I go and do yoga or I work on breath work or I go for a walk, do small housework, call a friend, watch a comedy skit, basically whatever to get myself out of that mind space.

I think sitting and ruminating is fueling the depression. The first step then would be to make a list of all of the things you like to do or could do to get up and move. It could be anything. If you can’t think of anything off the top of your head then what interests did you have when you were younger? I think you said you like to get on stage. I’m not sure if that’s acting or singing–but maybe work on honing your skills. Then when depression hits, pull out your list and go and do one of the things on there.

I also find taking a vitamin D supplement and getting enough sleep is helping. When I don’t get enough sleep, my depression worsens. I also think finding and developing social connections with others is helpful because social connections can provide support and help to take your mind off things.

I know these things aren’t a fix-all, but I find they do help. I hope things get better for you. I know depression is so awful and I understand completely what you are going through. Hugs to you.

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