Not sure what to do. Can't help my friend

Hey! First of all, sorry if everything sounds a bit confusing, i’m very bad at writing a wall of text cleanly…

I’m going through a lot of mental trouble at the Moment. I have a friend, my best friend and the person that gives me the most happyness in life. We know each other for ~10 years now. We live faaaaar away from each other, he is in america and i am in germany but we voice chat everyday for many many hours, watch movies together, draw together, lots of fun stuff! My biggest wish is to meet him one day but there is 0 chance this will happen :c

Now, we both are adults with health issues and we both have no job, no money… (25 and 29)
My Health is worse than his and i’m in general more optimistic and do my best to be able to live normally again.

My main issue: He is veeeery done with live. He lives with his Mom who has her own set of problems and their living condition is insanely bad. No good living space (many broken things, Mom has a hoarding issue) , has to overwork to pay for basic things. My friend is also trans which makes things even more difficult for him.

He’s not openly talking to me about things a lot but when he does, it always makes me cry a lot. He said that noone can help him or takes him serious and that he has plans to die at 30. He mentioned that a few years ago too and recently, he said it again. It hurts me a lot.

He says it so calm and serious and he usually means what he says. I’m scared but i understand his feelings a lot.

He doesnt have anyone to reach out to, hes stuck and can’t even get some kind of vacation. If he at least had a friend he could visit for a couple of weeks, that would be good to him.

All i can do is to tell him to reach out to anyone he knows but i don’t see any success in anything. Hope is fading away.

Sorry if this all seems like a mess but i just don’t know how to feel and think anymore. So many problems in life…


Hey there @AshleyTheWitch, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this with your friend. It’s a hard thing to deal with but honestly there isn’t much you can do to help if he’s not willing to take the help. It’s even harder because you live so far away from him. I’ve had quite a few friends like yours who I didn’t live close to and it’s never easy, especially when they’re going through hard times. My best advice is to just be there for him, and make sure that he knows you’re always there for him whenever he needs to talk. Tell him that his life matters and he’s valued, and that it will get better because all of those things are true. You could even tell him to come on here and make a post. Everyone on here is willing to give support and love anytime, even if someone doesn’t exactly know what to say. I hope that your friend finds some hope and gets the help he needs. Remind him that everything is temporary and this hard moment will pass. Much love to both of you. :heart:


Hey AshleyTheWitch,

Megs_26 responded to your post live on stream today with some amazing words of support and encouragement!

Here is a link to her video so you can hear her reply,


Hiya @AshleyTheWitch Thankyou for your post and Welcome, it sounds like the two of you have become firm friends and that is great however with distant friendships there are certain limits and sadly those limits include the amount you can physically do for a person especially if you have your own concerns to focus on.
Really all you can do is what you already do and that is to be a good friend who listens and is supportive, I am sorry you that he is having such a horrid time and it is important that he knows that there are people out there that can help, that want to help and that will help if he asks for it but he does need to reach out to a Doctor or call a helpline.
You also need to take care of yourself, you can love and support your friend but you getting upset or depressed because you cant “fix” him is no good to anyone so please be thoughtful to yourself too. It is very kind of you to be so concerned about another person but you must also care for you. Feel free to continue to post here anytime and I wish both you and your friend the very best.
Much love
Lisa. :heart:


Thanks everyone for the replies! They helped to sort my thoughts a bit. I wish he would have the strength to reach out to people too.

Focusing on myself is something i really should do even more and…better.

I appreciate you all! I will recommend this place to him and maybe he will at least try to talk to people here too. Sharing feelings and thoughts really helps a bit.

Thanks everyone <3 I will update you all sometime!


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