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Not sure who I am

I don’t know who I am. Not in the sense most people feel when they are in the 20s figuring out life, but in a deeper sense. I’m at that point in my 20s also, but it goes deeper. Being adopted I’m part of two worlds. One I know and one I truly am. I find myself attempting to find myself, but being stuck. I have an idea of who I am, but I’m afraid to go after it. I feel I’ll let my adoptive family down because I’m not going in the direction on making money. I want to just enjoy life and try different things out until I find it. I’ve noticed I am apprehensive about doing the thw things I want because I’m afraid of what they’ll say or think of me. I know I shouldn’t be but I am. It’s a hard spot because I really am in two worlds and they wouldn’t understand. I know I should just do what I want and feel is right for me, but making the leap is difficult. Any advice on pursing what I want and finding who I really am? Greatly appreciate any responses!


Hey bud,
It is a hard situation to go throught, but not an impossible to surpass.
You see, sometimes in life we just feel stuck, like something is impossible and you are just unable to make a move.

Life is short, and happens in a blink of an eye. It’s never too late to try, no matter how old you are.

Try doing the things you like without thinking about what other people are going to think. It’s your life, only you choose to go up or down.

The decisions you make should be for your own happiness, no matter how difficult or impossible thay may seem.

Chase for your goals, try new and different things, discover your tastes and I promise that tomorrow, you will look at life differently.

And remember, life is not about discovering yourself, it’s about creating yourself and the only way you can do it is by focusing on your well-being.

I have been in the same spot and i know what you’re going throught. It’s never late to take the leap.

  • Best of luck, believe in yourself.

The new generations have an entirely different outlook on life than our parents. Our parents wanted to make money, drive nice cars, have boats in the driveway, etc etc. We, their kids, saw them worry and argue about credit card debt, cash flow issues, and frustrations about working jobs they hated but that paid well enough. They were so caught up in their material world that they (ambiguous) put their families second and their inner happiness last.

Fast forward, we can barely support ourselves on entry level positions, never mind buy starter homes and start families. We can’t be happy by the standard of money because everything is more expensive today; but the standard of money didn’t make them happy, it frustrated and drained them. We realize that, and we the Millenials and Gen-Zers prioritize experiencing new things and living our lives over trying to climb the corporate ladder and amass material goods. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a different mindset than our parents had, but it’s also something that our parents don’t usually understand. If you don’t want to trade in your youth to be a paper pusher, then don’t. Get a job you love, even if it pays less than a job you’ll hate; then prioritize things like housing, cars, travel, nightlife, etc., and pursue your priorities in order! I’d hope your family would rather see you happy making your own way than dull following in their footsteps.


I’ve noticed I am apprehensive about doing the thw things I want because I’m afraid of what they’ll say or think of me.

I feel in your message that it’s less about knowing yourself than following your heart. It’s okay to feel conflicted and hesitant. It shows that you are thinking about choices that matter to you. Your intuition is talking here. Ultimately, you’ll learn to know yourself through life experiences. Whether you make choices that are pleasant to you or not. I think you can always learn something about yourself in every situation.

This is indeed about your life. It should be about your decisions, just because no one else on this planet could live this life for you. But it would be unfair to ignore the reality of others opinion, especially from those who are close to us. Part of ourselves seek some kind of external validation when we have to make a decision, it’s natural, and it helps to feel safer. But sometimes our beloved ones doesn’t approve and in these moments we are the ones who need to learn how to communicate properly and do some pedagogy. I’m not saying you have to justify yourself. But there’s certainly a balance to find here so things go as smooth as possible for everyone. A proper communication could certainly play a huge role here.

I’ve been in a similar situation with my parents, in regards of studies, when I decided to change my orientation. They had their own representation of what would be good or not for me (and they repeated the same pattern before with my siblings). And that’s okay. We all have this kind of categorization in our mind. And when you’re a parent, generally you want for your children to live a fulfilling life. So I had to discuss with them, calmly, to 1/understand their perspective, 2/make them understand my perspective. The idea behind wasn’t to find an agreement or change my mind, but to be all “okay not to agree”. They didn’t really have a say on it though, but I didn’t want my decisions to be a problem in our relationship or a source of conflict.

Any advice on pursing what I want and finding who I really am?

This will sound a bit vague, I guess, but trust your heart and your intuition. Question your inner values and beliefs. Is it more important to have a sense of financial safety or do something you’re passionate about? There is no right or wrong answer. Only what is meaningful to you at this point. And again, you’ll learn to know yourself through life experiences as well. Which means that what is true today for you will certainly not be the same in x months or years, and that’s okay. It’s a journey. Just take it easy. Trust your intuition, your inner spark, as it would certainly help you to persevere if some obstacles arise on your road.


Hey friend!

To start, just remember that they way you’re feeling right now is completely valid. I understand the pressure you’re feeling with your family. Feeling like you need to live up to what they would like you to become, and feeling like you need to make them proud and happy can be a really daunting weight on your shoulders, and it’s especially not easy saying no because they of course, are your family.

At the end of the day though, you are your own person and you do not have to be defined by what someone/anything makes you feel like you have to be. Being in your 20’s is infact the perfect time for you to explore your options, explore the world and do things for yourself. There is nothing wrong with not knowing exactly what you want to do right off the bat. I encourage you to embrace the time you have to yourself right now in your 20’s to try new things and enjoy the process.

Your journey to figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your life will be a long one - but that’s not a bad thing! Life is all about trial and error. I wish you all the best <3

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Go find your blood roots, maybe it will be the journey that you’ll need to figure out who you are deep down, your adopted family should support you, it’s natural to want to know where you come from, they of all people should know how important this is, your missing a part of your life that you don’t even know about.

I hope you find what your looking for and good luck!