so today was a rough day, first i tried to commit suicide and then my mom found out a few hours later. she keeps trying to talk about it. what do i do?
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Hey @Inferno,
I’m so grateful that you are here, friend.
I imagine that your mom was shocked and would like to understand what happened and if you are still in the same mindset right now. How do you feel about talking about what happened with her, in order to let her understand, so she could help you as well?
You’re loved. 
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Hi Inferno 
You must have felt very bad. I am so sorry you were feeling like this. Nobody should feel like that and especially not you. 
You are important and loved and we appretiate you.
Your mum is very scared about you because she loves you very very much. I know it is hard for you to talk about what happened but i think you should have a conversation with her. Tell her how you felt and what lead you to it. She wants you to be happy and she wants to know why you wanted leave this world. She loves you and wants to help you. You are very loved Inferno. If you ever want to talk about things please just let me or anyone else you like here know. We will be there for you.
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thats the thing, it doesnt feel right to talk to her about it. i dont want to talk to her about it, i just dont feel comfortable talking about it to anyone. i rarely even go on heartsupport to talk about my struggles but i just cant do that with my mom.
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I’m so sorry that you felt so badly that that is what it led you to.
Your mom loves you, and she’s trying to understand.
Let’s look at it this way, What do you have to lose by talking to her? Yes, it’ll be a lot of pain and other big emotions that will come up when you talk to her… but imagine if after all that pain, there is peace, there is understanding, there is compassion?
Yes, it might feel easier to end it, but that’s only one way to deal with the pain you’re feeling. I can tell you that if you share your pain, sometimes it actually makes it lighter on you, it gives you clarity, it shows you just how much you mean to the people around you.
I’m proud of you for how amazing you are, how you keep trying and growing.
Do you remember this?
https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/safety-plan-for-when-i-need-it/27892
Ask for Help was one of those steps, and “ask family” was listed there.
This could be a good time to start opening up.
We love you, we want you to have the best life possible.
Please reach out and talk to someone.
Are you safe now?
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i rarely even go on heartsupport to talk about my struggles
Then I’m even more proud of you for defeating your fears on that matter, no matter what they are. 
I’ve never been really comfortable with talking about how I feel either. When I do, I seem to automatically shut down and seem cold. I tend to let people ask me questions and I have short answers. It’s tough to learn to trust others with ourselves. When we show our most vulnerable sides, we feel even more at risk of being hurt.
Is knowing that you have a safety net right here in this community something that could help you to talk to someone “irl”, like your mom? You could see it as an opportunity to “practice”, and regardless of the reaction of the person in front of you, we would still be here at the end of the day to listen to you and encourage you.
As for now, there’s a wall of communication in front of you, and I can tell that you are far from being alone while struggling with it. We can learn to walk around it though. Oftentimes there are fears behind our discomfort that we need to name and understand first. What makes you feel like you can’t talk about it to her, and more generally to anyone?
I want to invite you to navigate these fears together and see how we can encourage you to take some healthy steps, friend. Whenever you’d like - and if you’d like to. In the meantime, I hope you can rest as well. You’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time. Please make sure to stay safe.
You’re loved.
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I know the feeling but you should to tell her something. She desperately wants to know what is wrong so she can help you or at least understand. She is scared and confused. You dont have to give any details but or anythig really but you should talk to her about it.
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I can see how it would be really hard to be in the presence of someone who loves you enough to desperately what to “fix you.” Micro has a good idea about practicing what you might say with someone else besides your mom. It can be really hard to share your feelings, especially if you expect that what you need to share will be hard for the other person to accept. It would probably be much easier to tell your mom that you have already figured out how to handle the problem, and that you’re okay now. However, if you have not been able to come to terms with the difficulty that you’re having, it would be a mistake to tell her that.
If you don’t feel able to explain the circumstances or causes of your feelings, maybe you can tell her that you need to figure things out within yourself first before you can talk to her about it. At the same time, you can explain the kind of support you need from her, for example handholding or a hug and maybe some quiet time while not feeling burdened by expectations.
She may be afraid that you are shutting her out of your life, so do your best to let her know that is not your intention.
The next question is, why did you try to end your life? Can you talk to someone besides your mom about it? Would your mom support you going to therapy? Maybe you can explain to her that you believe therapy will help you feel more able to talk to her.
Please remember, unhappiness or unhappy circumstances can end without ending your life.
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Think back just a short time ago when you made your progress post. Think about how you felt and the confident and positive thoughts you were experiencing. Think about how thrilled you were to hear that you were an inspiration. You can get back to this place, you just have to remember how it felt. 
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