I just wish I could make everything better and those around me feel better. I wish I had the power to take away the struggles of others and lift people’s spirits, make their day better. I feel like I try my best to make those around me happy, but no matter what I do, it just doesn’t work out. I’m always doing my best to have my brother’s back and uplift him when my mom is in the mood to tear people down, I’m always trying to make my dads day and make him laugh before my mom ruins his day. I constantly reach out to people in my life and tell them I love them and that I’m happy they’re here, but I just feel like it’s not enough. I feel like no matter what I do to help, it doesn’t do anything and it just makes me want to stop trying. I don’t feel like a light in other people’s life, I don’t feel like I matter. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m doing my best, I don’t know why I feel like this. I just feel so mad and disappointed in myself, I guess, there’s more I could be doing. I don’t mean for this to come across as “no one appreciates what I do” or “no one recognizes that I’m trying to help”, I just feel defeated. And another thing is that whenever I am trying my best to keep everyone’s spirits up, my moms voice creeps in and just reminds me that I’m obnoxious and useless, and at times like right now, I believe her. I do feel useless.
Nicole,
You are irreplaceable. The love you have to give is more than enough <3
Hey @nicole_kaley,
I love you, friend. And I am sorry your mom’s voice has been resonating in your heart. What she said to you, as you mention it, is certainly part of how you feel. And I wish it was different to you at the moment you posted this. I understand how it feels to live with a parent who tear you down repeatedly. Also why sometimes our heart just crave to share some love as much as we can, to just protect the people who are dear to our heart. When you feel an injustice, you can want to be a light for others.
I know, as you shared about it before, that the circumstances at home are not the best right now. But you matter. You are not useless. What you have to give is enough. And it’s a blessing to see you here or on stream - even though we never really talked a lot.
I’ll share something here, that maybe you don’t remember, but I do. Last year, I posted here on the SW and it was discussed by Casey & Dan on stream. I learned that I was dismissed at my job and it was argued by my boss that this was because I’ve been battling with a cancer. And actually in this post, I said what you just said: I’m useless. You were part of those who responded to me. You said two words that I kept in my heart and have been cherishing since then. And I want to say those to you now, with all my heart:
You belong.
I am grateful to you and for the impact that those two words, you, had in ly life in a time when I was struggling and questioned my own worth. I am aware that this can sound a little vague at first, especially when you are struggling, but it’s a truth that goes beyond any circumstance in your life. It’s a truth that I’ve been learning to understand and accept, thanks to you. Hang on to this, you wonderful human, as much as possible.
I guess, sometimes, when we feel lile what we are doing is not enough for some reasons, we can take some time to reflect on ourselves and try to answers to some questions such as: what is my goal in doing what I do? What is my purpose? What does it mean concretely? Where am I right now in regards of those goals? You mentioned, for example, trying to lift the spirit of the people around you. This is something real that you can acknowledge when your feel like your mind is spiraling or you are hurting.
I don’t know if you noticed it, but there are some self-help exercises on the SW that, I think, could be a useful tool for you to reflect on those question. Not an obligation of course, only a suggestion, that you are free to consider or not. Here is the link to those:
https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/master-list-next-steps-for-your-mental-health/14240
You are loved, friend. So much. You are beautiful as you are, and you’re awesome. Because you are you. Take care. 