Honestly things have been going good, I’m headed to a better place in life I believe. I think moving out of my parents house will really help me be me, and help me to do the things I was wary of around them.
I have these thoughts. The way that my brain thinks sometimes is going to lead me to my death. I don’t see how I can continue to live when I get these intrusive thoughts; these thoughts are: this happened because of you, you’re giving up on your dreams, you are all talk and no do, you are a liar and lazy. When I get one of those thoughts, it brings along all the other thoughts with them.
I want to make things, but all I do is compare. Or I can’t figure out how to do something, so I stop and don’t go back to it for forever or even ever.
I spent over 200$ to start my Etsy shop… I haven’t even done that. The printer is sitting on my desk, holding a notebook and papers. The supplies are sitting on a shelf gathering dust.
I try to make something, but I hate it. I compare it to others, it’s never as good. It’s never good to me.
I’ve distanced from a lot of my social groups on Discord and Twitch. I really just haven’t felt the urge to type chat or talk at all.
I’m wanting to invest in a new grand computer, so I can stream and play games, something I’ve wanted to do for so so long.
What if I put over $1000 into a new PC, and it ends up like my Etsy shop.
I have all these dreams, but I don’t know anymore. I want to do these things, but to me I’m never good enough.
Other people may like what I make, but I hate it.