Nothing I do or create is ever good enough for me

[Lyss]

Honestly things have been going good, I’m headed to a better place in life I believe. I think moving out of my parents house will really help me be me, and help me to do the things I was wary of around them.

I have these thoughts. The way that my brain thinks sometimes is going to lead me to my death. I don’t see how I can continue to live when I get these intrusive thoughts; these thoughts are: this happened because of you, you’re giving up on your dreams, you are all talk and no do, you are a liar and lazy. When I get one of those thoughts, it brings along all the other thoughts with them.

I want to make things, but all I do is compare. Or I can’t figure out how to do something, so I stop and don’t go back to it for forever or even ever.

I spent over 200$ to start my Etsy shop… I haven’t even done that. The printer is sitting on my desk, holding a notebook and papers. The supplies are sitting on a shelf gathering dust.

I try to make something, but I hate it. I compare it to others, it’s never as good. It’s never good to me.

I’ve distanced from a lot of my social groups on Discord and Twitch. I really just haven’t felt the urge to type chat or talk at all.

I’m wanting to invest in a new grand computer, so I can stream and play games, something I’ve wanted to do for so so long.

What if I put over $1000 into a new PC, and it ends up like my Etsy shop.

I have all these dreams, but I don’t know anymore. I want to do these things, but to me I’m never good enough.

Other people may like what I make, but I hate it.

[EzVanHAlen]

Someone once told me that anything you create has value. Creating something from nothing deserves some respect. Having said that I can relate to how you feel.

I’ve played guitar for almost 20 years and anytime I think I write a riff or put something together that sounds cool i immediately dissect it and figure out what’s ripped off and whats not cool about it

You go through the history of riffs and it’s all reused, rehashed, and repurposed stuff.

I’m sorry for not offering more helpful advice but I wanted you to know I know how you feel and I feel for you. We should take more pride in what we create without fear of judgement.

I have found though that sometimes the thing that makes you cringe the most will appeal to someone else. And out of tune saxophone may sound terrible to someone but to someone else it may the most beautiful sound.

I respect the heck out of anyone that can create and I hope you never stop wanting to.

All the best

[Micro]

Gosh, this is so relatable to me, @Lyss. I hate this feeling of wanting to do something yet not starting it because I’m sure the result would just be awful. I have this pile of dreams and projects I never really started because 1/ I don’t know where to start, and 2/ just like you, I’m convinced that it will never be good enough. So I don’t do anything and it’s even more depressing.

Just a few thoughts here, based on what you shared:

• First off, I guess a question behind this would be: when is it good enough? What are your own standards? What do you aim for? Not in a vague way, but very precisely - for each of your projects. It could be worth to take some time to really reflect on that and write it down, at least for yourself.

• Other shops/streamers/people you compare yourself with can actually be helpful to identify your own standards, passively or actively: what inspires you in these shops? Which one looks more like what you imagine for your own project, and what’s absolutely not what you want to do? (there are plenty of not really great shops on Etsy, objectively, and it’s okay to acknowledge those too!). Same for Twitch or creativity in general. You have your own inspirations, tastes, influences. Keep seeing them as something that nourrishes your own heart and soul - it’s the main purpose! On the other side, discussing with people who are already doing what you want to do is definitely helpful too. They might have some insights about precise aspects of their activity that you wouldn’t imagine as long as you don’t try by yourself, but also you could be surprised by how much your own doubts are shared by others.

• When we struggle with having high or undefined standards, I find it helpful to try to switch our focus on the process rather than the result. Why do you create? What does it bring to you when you do it? This can be a deep foundation to keep some motivation in doing the things you love. For what it’s worth, what helps me is to try to be mindful when I do something, as much as possible, so my thoughts doesn’t get too crazy by thinking about “what’s next” or the result. It helps to focus more on the present moment and how you feel while creating. And it’s part of what makes your creations absolutely unique. There is a part of yourself and of your own experience in it.

• Totally agree with @EzVanHAlen: what you create is absolutely unique. No one can do what you do, because it comes from you. Someone could try to create the exact same thing as a result, but it wouldn’t be the same in the end. And it is absolutely true that even if you don’t like something you create, there’s always a potential for someone to actually like it if you share it.

• If you don’t really know where to start with your projects and feel a little bit overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to write everything down. Just take a blank page and imagine/picture every thing that might need some preparation, and then try to prioritize all of this. And if you have several projects but feel stuck, maybe try to focus on only one for the moment, then see how it goes.

I spent over 200$ to start my Etsy shop… I haven’t even done that. The printer is sitting on my desk, holding a notebook and papers. The supplies are sitting on a shelf gathering dust.

• Well, dust can always be cleaned. It’s really cool that you have everything you need to do it! Again, maybe trying to divide this in smaller steps and doing a little bit everyday (or less, if your schedule doesn’t allow it) or at least on a regular basis. You can identify those steps with general themes that you precise more and more, for example: which “products”, prices, your shop presentation, shipping, photos… Step by step.

You can do this. It won’t be perfect. You will make mistakes. You’ll face difficulties you didn’t expect. But that’s the core of a personal project: a living process, something that you keep making better according to what you aim for. Your objectives gives you a direction, an orientation, just because there are many ways to create, to have an online shop or to be a streamer. But what matters is what you will create and show to this world.

You are absolutely not a liar or lazy. You have some deep fears, doubts, and maybe you aim a little for perfection. But those are things you can work on at your own pace. You are not stuck in this. <3