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Nowhere else to turn

Hello, just want to start off by thanking everyone who is in this community. I am new here, and I think what is being done on this site and on the livestream is super important and helpful.

A little about why I am posting and who I am.
I am currently in college, taking 18 credits, a junior, and in a different state than my family and everyone I knew growing up. I am honestly struggling a lot. Every day I wake up and I don’t know what the point is. I make it to class sometimes when it is a good day, but it has been getting harder. My grades are terrible right now and I am not sure how to get them up. I am in this vicious cycle of feeling so helpless at the bottom of this pit.
I was recently diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I have gone into a counselor, but I can’t open up to them due to my past issues of trust and I am feeling like I am unfixable. The worst part of this all is I have no one or anything to grasp onto. This constant gloom overhead, the reoccurring flashbacks from a sexual assault situation, the thoughts of no one will even know if I die or even care, the looping negative thoughts about literally anything. It has become so unbearable. I have never before self-harmed and I never thought I myself could get myself to do that, but last week I started. I just feel like I am spiraling but no one knows that. I have always been the overachiever, the happiest in the room, cracking jokes, laughing, and smiling. No one knows. I am just going through all this on my own and I feel so hopeless in this very moment. What do I do? How do I get out of this downward spiral? Counseling doesn’t work because I shut down. How do you do counseling when you can’t trust anyone even yourself? Self-harming is bad so that shouldn’t be done. I am so consumed in my studies and college life that its hard to have anyone here for me in my life. Am I unfixable? Is this my new normal? Feeling pretty stuck.

Hey I’m sorry that you are going through this alone. What university are you at? I’m sure you can find some new humans through this app.

And no one is unfixable and you’re not broken. You’re a badass in recovery! You’ve been though some really hard shit through no fault of your own and anyone would be struggling with this. All of us are struggling with similar too and we wanna be here for you because even small things can make a big difference. :slight_smile:

I would recommend talking to trusted individuals in your life or opening up to professors and other student resources since they will be able to help you with things more specific to your University. And there is no shame in taking a leave of absence; recovery isn’t an overnight process and will take time.

And feel free to reach out to me or a bunch of other members. A lot of people here have experienced sexual assult and are more that willing to share experiences, resources, and support. You’re not alone :slight_smile:

As the founders of this site say:
Hold fast :slight_smile:
and I’ll look up some resources for you and post them in the comments when I get the chance.

hey friend,
just wanted to let you know that you’re loved and so strong. I’m proud of you for sharing and I believe in you. we are always here for you and we care so much about you. I believe you will get through this and I believe that you will win this battle. I’m sorry you’re going through this and im sending you many hugs and good vibes. I hope you find comfort and safety here and I hope you keep sharing: )
stay strong

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I am sorry that you have had to experience this.
I know that going to a counselor is hard especially after going through traumatic events.
As with anyone it does take time to open up to them and feel comfortable around them which they completely understand.
If your local resources permits it and there are other counselors available you may want to look into seeing if there are others available in your area.
Some counselors are easier to open up to than others, some have different teaching and listening methods.

Don’t give up on yourself and think you are unfixable, stay strong, we are here for you and will help you through this.

Much love