I’ve had 2 amazing days seeing my idol in concert and compelting some pretty tough goals… You’re all gunna say I should be proud of that and happy right? I was. Until my family started to scream at me and put me down for completing those goals… even though they’d also been asking me to complete them. It’s been nearly 2 weeks since I took that last pill but right now all I can hear is my family shouting and screaming about me. Putting me down and generally talking shit about me I need to take something. Anything. I need to sleep. I need to not feel this right now. Nothing I do is ever right. This is the worst I’ve felt since i stopped using and I don’t know if I can get through the night without taking something. I’m sorry guys
First of all I’m happy you’re reaching out here when you’re struggling. Thank you for doing that.
I’m so sorry you’re in a bad situation with your family. Them putting you down is not fair - you’ve done something to be proud of, and they’re denying you the right to be proud about it by shouting at you about it. They should be there to support you, but they are not. However, you have the whole HeartSupport community behind you. We are very proud of you. You’ve been off pills for 2 weeks - that is an accomplishment on it’s own. You’ve been dealing with your daily struggles without pills, and that is amazing. I truly hope you can stay on that path, because in the end, the pills don’t make it better. They might numb you for a while, but there’s a reason you stopped using them 2 weeks ago. Try to remember that reason and know that you’re strong enough to do this. We’re here for you to support you and celebrate your victories. Hold fast friend, you’re loved. <3
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When things get hard, it can be so easy to want to go back to the thing that can take the pain away. I get this. I used to be addicted to alcohol. For some time after I started drinking, whenever I felt any negative emotion (usually due to anxiety, depression, stress, or negative thoughts) the first thing that would pop in my head was to drink. It took a long, long time for that to slowly go away. It’s how I had been used to dealing with any negative emotions. Habits are hard to break.
If you ever need someone to talk you through a hard moment, feel free to message me. Or if you want, send me a message and I’ll give you my phone number.
Hold fast. You CAN do this!
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Hey @Kayla,
I’m so sorry to hear about how your family responded to you completed some pretty tough goals, but I’m proud of you for completing them!! My mentor/accountability partner once told me, “When you relapse, don’t bask in the sadness of the relapse. Instead, rejoice over the time that you were clean.” Don’t beat yourself up over choosing to numb your pain with pills again. Instead, be proud of yourself to making it this far, and set a new goal of beating your record by at least one day. I’ll also give you something to look forward to! You’re strong. We believe in you.
-Eric
@Kayla
I’m sorry that you’re hurting. I don’t think it’s necessary for you to have to apologize to us, but I get it because I’m the same way. I’m super proud of you for crushing these last 2 weeks! If you did it once, then you can sure as hell do it again. As far as your family goes, Words hurt - they can cut us like tiny shards of glass or slice deep like a sword. We all have different pain thresholds. And I’m sorry that yours is being caused by your family. You have a family at HeartSupport that wants nothing more than to see you happy and thriving. I would love to see you give yourself more credit. You’re doing an amazing job staying conscious and connected. Keep coming back. I’m here.
With all of my love,
Shay