Obsession with loving someone?

Hello all!

I’ve been having real trouble controlling myself on obsessing over a woman, one who is unique and who actually says she loves me back, which is absurd to obsess over, right? I have her, she has me, it’s going great.

The thing is, i have ruminating thoughts telling me i will lose her eventually, even though there is no sign of that happening, but i feel absolutely devastated sometimes with mere thoughts of it happening, and whole days of mine are just destroyed by it.

I never told her that, and before some of you think, i am not a violent person, i would never do anything to her because of it, i would never harass her emotionally because of this - even if she did eventually leave me -, which is why i didn’t tell her that, neither i intend to. I just want this to disappear, i just want to be peaceful during times that literally are peaceful, my mind is always racing with pessimistic thoughts, i can’t enjoy any good moment.

I’m in love with her, she is with me, it’s a strong thing that is not so new anymore, but the constant fear of losing such uniqueness (for this is how i see her and our relationship) kills me in advance.

Thank you for reading.


Hi Man128898,

It’s not weird or absurd to obsess over someone who loves you back, it is just how love works. In my experience, good relationships are hard to come by, so wanting to hold on tight to this relationship is completely understandable. These thoughts seem to take up a significant part of your head space, perhaps talking to her would alleviate your worries about losing her. She might also be having the same thoughts, if so, you can help each other and remind the other that your love is strong. Good luck in your relationship!

Here for you,


Hi there @Man128898,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing here. It’s understandable that you’d obsess over someone if you have a strong bond – that’s absolutely natural and okay. With that said, when the “obsessing” turns from enjoying thinking about the person to more of the worry that something could change, it starts hurting and becomes a tough situation.

From what I hear, it seems like both of you love, value, and care about each other. So I hope you try enjoying the moment – enjoying the relationship you have – instead of thinking about how it could change. There are so many what-ifs in life, and it’s common to be worried about these sorts of things, but the reality is that you both seem to be happy together and that’s what ultimately matters.

I hope these worries subside and am wishing you all the best.

<3 Tuna


My impression is that you have experienced some kind of unexpected loss in the past. Either that or you have come to believe that all good things must end. Others have said it here, but I’ll say it again in my own way. Shift your focus from fear to being fully present and loving towards her. Anything can happen in the future, but you’re with her now. Make the best of it. Communication helps. Let her know that you want her to be happy and fulfilled, and you support her in whatever she wants to do. Being that kind of person optimizes your chances of being with her forever. Truly be with her without losing part of your mind to fear. One of the best affirmations of love is to listen to your partner carefully and with an open heart. If you do that, I think the odds are good that she will recognize you as a treasure that she doesn’t want to lose.

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Hey @Man128898 ,
Thank you for reaching out to let you know that your struggling this is a really brave move.

I know this feeling very well , the feeling of " i loose her eventuallty" , its a very shitty feeling . When you have feelings like this , communicate with her on how you feel and see what can be done to concer this feeling . I had this same issue starting in janurary . it didnt end well for me ish ( long story for another time) . But communication is key to a successful relationship. You will have your ups and down . You will have your good and bad days but you will fget through it ,

Communicate with her how you feel , but my question is why do you feel they way you do ? what triggered this thought to go through your mind ?
Anywho , we here you , we see you , we love you no matter what . Hold Fast friend!
Keep us updated .



I can’t tell her that, she might even be scared of me, there are some men who are obsessed with women and end up acting violent. Of course i know it’s not my case, but she won’t know that.

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I’ve never really loved someone before, and i don’t know if i ever been loved by someone as i feel loved by her. I can only guess that is the reason i’m so afraid of losing it.

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It’s impossible to tell her that without scaring her off. I know it might sound i’m being sincere, and it will be the truth, but i’m sure some kind of fear she’ll feel if she knew i’m obsessed over her.

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Thank you very much for your reply. I’ve been trying very hard to live the present, not an easy task apparently.


If you can be calm and sincere while choosing your words carefully, I don’t think you will scare her. You have chosen the word “obsession,” but might “infatuation” describe your feelings as well?

When I think of obsession, I associate it with behaviors such as stalking, repeated phone calls even after being told not to, or a preoccupation with the person that is so persistent that other parts of life suffer.

Even if you were the most perfect guy in the universe, she still might not be interested if she can’t imagine a relationship between the two of you working. If you are thoughtful in the way you express yourself to her, even if she’s not interested, she’s likely to feel complemented by your interest. It’s just really important that you back off immediately if you get the message that she is not interested in you.

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