Oh god this is overwhelming

A lot of you already know about the situation I’m in with the guy who sexually abused me coming back in my life. I keep updates of that on my last post. But I have so much more than just that happening and I need to vent a little.
So, along with the above situation, I am also job hunting, taking on extra responsibilities at my church, and trying to figure out how to pay student loans. While I’m trying to do all of this, my parents keep throwing other things at me and yell at me for not doing things a specific way. They’re mad that I sent resumes out to places out of state first and not to places in state. They’re mad that I don’t have a job right out of college like half the other kids in my class. They’re mad when I work on coding websites when I could be sending more resumes (but also, I need a portfolio and need to make websites to fill it). They’re mad when I haven’t applied to all the jobs they want me to. They act like I’m just sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. When in reality all I’m doing is applying to jobs and coding and working at church.
The extra church responsibilities are also things they put onto my plate. I didn’t ask or offer to do more because I know I can’t handle all of it and fulfill other responsibilities. But since my temp job ended, I’ve had to take on twice as much as before. I’m basically running around, trying to be two places at once sometimes, on church days. I was supposed to have an off week for teaching the kids church, and now I have to wait two more weeks (maybe longer). And with the situation with the guy at my church, it’s a little hard to do everything and feel safe.
On top of all this, my dad decided to pick a fight over the weekend again about how I never talk to him and how he doesn’t know if I love him. This is an on going fight we’ve had for years honestly. We’ve had so many discussions about how I try to talk to him but he doesn’t listen. He threw in another detail to the fight at how he’s felt like this since I was a little kid because our relationship wasn’t like his relationship between him and my brothers. And now as an adult I need to fix it and have a relationship like theirs. Thing is, if you noticed when I was basically a toddler that something was different, then maybe the relationship is just gonna be different? Like how I show love is different from my brothers? I also know I had a lot of social issues as a kid, so maybe there’s something else going on that they didn’t realize? I feel like constantly through my childhood he tried to “fix” things that were just different and didn’t need to be fixed. Like something was wrong with me and I needed to change. And I feel like this is another time. I get our relationship isn’t the best and can improve. But when I put the effort in, nothing changes on his part. He said the best time was when I was away at college and we’d have our weekly phone calls. I know that worked well because that was a boundary I set. I want that boundary again, but obviously I can’t just talk to him once a week while I still live in his house. And I need a job to move out. And we go back to the job hunting situation. He also wants me to invest my whole savings account into crypto currency, which I think right now is a terrible idea with everything going on and me not knowing a thing about crypto. I really can’t afford to lose what I have. My parents have offered to make up for any losses I would have, but I also know they can’t afford to do that either. My dad threaten to make me pay rent if I didn’t invest in crypto, knowing that I don’t have a job yet or much money for his rent price.
Overall, when it rains it pours and I got a freaking hurricane. I’m constantly under pressure from my parents to make the right decision while I’m trying to make healthy decisions for myself. Everything is getting too hard to handle by myself. But the people who could help me are the ones who are throwing a lot of crap at me. It’s at the point I dread starting a new day because I don’t know what new problem I’m gonna have to deal with. I didn’t even know what clothes to wear because I don’t know if I’m going to get a whole lecture for not being dressed appropriately to job hunt or not being dressed appropriately to work outside on the church yard. I have a hard time figuring out what to do because it seems like everything I do is wrong. I’m trying so hard to find a job, take care of myself, and help others. But no one sees it. And I’m supposed to make big life choices while all of this is going on?


Hi Beth. I have some advice but it is definitely up to you if you are comfortable doing it.
You have a lot on your plate. Is there any way you can reduce some of your workload to give yourself some breathing room? You may have to step back and look at what is worthwhile and what is causing you excessive, meaningless stress. This will take some time and lots of deep thinking to tackle. Don’t fret and rush to tackle everything. Start with writing some ideas down and go from there.
Are you comfortable talking to your mom over your dad? It seems he’s putting a lot of pressure on you to do things to his liking. If you can’t talk to your mum, I would try finding a “good” time to talk to your dad, when he may normally be in a better mood (if he’s grumpy in the morning or is relaxing in the evening). I wouldn’t walk up to him and say “we need to have a talk” as that normally triggers some people to immediately become defensive or ready themselves up for a fight. See if you can casually try to talk to him when he is in a better mood. Ask if you can have a heart to heart with him. If he could listen and comment afterwards. Lay it out - explain you are struggling a lot and need some support. When talking to him, use “I” statements, don’t accuse or try to blame him for the stressors he has caused you. For example, you can say “I feel x when you say this to me” if you want to be extra careful. Timing and wording is everything, as I’ve learned from my parents.
If this does not work out, or your dad is raising his voice, telling you how you should feel, or worse, please step out. If he walks after you demanding to speak with you, tell him you need a moment to yourself and will resume the discussion later (that is up to you).
Keep your head up, take one day, hour, moment at a time and remember to breathe. Best of luck.


This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.