Oh, You're Being Abused? What If I Dated You Instead?

I am so TIRED of this shit. so tired. I used to be friends with this google plus guy long ago and it was sorta creepy because I was underage and he wanted to be with me. HUGE red flag i know that now. At the time, I didn’t know I was being groomed and stuff when i was on G+ at the age of 12. But when it ended i decided to let him be friends with me on fb. we used to talk but he kept asking me to come down to america and let him date me and stuff so i just stopped talking to him. I made a similar post about someone else but trust me this is an entirely different person. Fuck me, right? So every time we talk he brings up that he wants to date me because I don’t deserve to be abused by my bf and my dad and stuff and that he’s way better, he wouldn’t hurt me, etc. Like, I do not care. I do not want to be with you. Go. Away. As i said before, we do not talk almost ever but every time we do, he brings this up. It makes me sick to my stomach so i just stop talking to him mid conversation whenever he brings it up. He asks me to call him a lot and sometimes i say yes but then it gets awkward.

I just wish people would care about me without taking my sadness and stuff as an excuse to say something thats not necessary. As if taking advantage of me being abused to say you want to date me isn’t abusive either. Grow up.

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I don’t know what age you are now or how much time has passed since you were 12 on G+, but in case you’re younger I want to make this very clear: It’s not your fault for wanting attention from an older man, you didn’t know any better and he should have realised how inappropriate he was being since he was the adult in the situation. The man messaging you currently trying to coerce you into dating him? He doesn’t sound like your friend either, it simply sounds like he’s there for one thing. I would advise you block him.

I’m responding to this because I’ve been in similar situations. Both of these men are attempting to groom you. I know it’s not easy to just say no and block them, I dealt with almost the same thing a couple months ago, but grey-rocking him seemed to work and then I blocked him after he hadn’t contacted me in a couple days. I then removed myself from any groups where I may have had ties with him. There are amazing people over the internet and you shouldn’t be ashamed for looking for friends, but these two were/are not your friends.

I am currently 21. When I got older, I realized how disgusting everything was that happened to me. Older men talking to me and stuff. I was in multiple online “relationships” though kik and they’re were all older men. It was funny because they got mad at me for “cheating” on them with other older guys when i didn’t know what the hell was going on. I had given pictures as a kid without knowing what was going on. When this was happening to me, my mom accused me of being a slut even though i was a kid. I was RPing with an older man cuz i liked RPing, i was just figuring out sex and stuff, but my mom was the one who called me a slut.

Now that i am older, i just ignore them until they stop talking to me. It is very hard for me to block people due to being previous friends, and abuse because i think they can still go back to being good people and stop bothering me, though it never happens.

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I wish I still had your faith in people, honestly. Now when I speak to a new person I’m always on edge when we start to talk privately because I’m terrified of what they’re about to reveal to me about themselves.

Yeah, those men were 100% in the wrong and, while I heavily look down on cheating, I’d also hardly call what you had with them relationships considering they knew what they were doing. Hearing about how they treated you is vile and I’m sorry you had to deal with it at such a young age. My first encounter with that kind of behaviour was when I was 13, and I’m just a couple years younger than you. They seem to be targeting younger and younger ever since then.

I’m going to go against everything my parents ever told me and say that there’s nothing wrong with figuring yourself out in that way, but these people are gross and took advantage of that period in your life. Your mum is also disgusting for calling you those kinds of derogatory names. Bet she wouldn’t call a man who has had lots of sexual relationships a name. (And that’s on internalised misogyny) Of course I don’t know her personally, but she definitely sounds like people I’ve encountered.

I’m sending you good vibes through the computer-screen. The attachment we have to friends can be our downfall when they do something more than questionable. I hope you can find the strength to decide what to do about them.

I am always on edge talking to people, i don’t have the ability to trust someone anymore. When I lived with my mom, she always seemed to hate me but I didn’t know why. Everything I did she hated. I moved out when I was 14 and I saw her for the last time when I was 16 when she passed away. I will never know why she treated me that way and when people say she loved me it makes me angry, i will never believe something that came out of someone’s mouth other than hers.

Even now, I get really scared talking to men, I have had a lot of bad times interacting with men in person as well and I am just kinda scared of them.

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Ah, I was afraid of you saying you didn’t like interacting with men, but I wanted to give my two cents. I guess I’ll leave the conversation with this last message for your peace of mind.

My parents are also emotionally abusive (were physically abusive in the past too), and I too will never understand the whole “they actually loved you!” spiel that people like us get subjected to constantly. I suppose those who give it to us are the lucky ones for never having to experience those horrors. I don’t want to wish death on anyone but I really hope you’re happier with your life nowadays, you sound like you deserve it. You really do.

As a kid, I was bullied by guys as well and i was told every time “they’re just jealous” or “they actually have a crush on you”. I never understood why they said that and they didn’t do anything about the bullying. I am currently not very happy, still scared of men and being hurt and not being able to trust anyone. Very depressed and stuff. I hope one day I can be happy though

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