Old Trauma

hey you, at the beginning of the year I had an encounter of a different kind with a woman in my community. She came up to me unasked and tried to convince me that I was going to do an operation because I was obese. I wouldn’t be able to do it otherwise. She didn’t want to hear that I lost 50kg on my own in the last 2 years. She really pushed me into a corner. the whole thing triggered old traumas. Since that incident, I also have the problem that I need a lot of time on my own, but then I am unloved, superfluous, worthless and I’m useless…I’m among people, I’m incredibly quickly overstimulated by everything, so that when I’m home I can only fall on the sofa or bed and I’m totally exhausted…it all feels so wrong…

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Hey friend,

I know what it’s like to get super over stimulated and the only respite from that is crashing. I used to hardcore beat myself up when I did this, but it reminds me something about the greater mental health journey I’ve been on:

Self compassion. It can be hard at first, but just like anything, the more you do it the better you get at it. It’s important to give yourself some love when you’re doing that. I would always tell myself, "you need to settle your mind and by laying down you’re recharging your mental battery. Do this and promise me(myself) that when I wake up I’m going to tackle X task.

Stay in there friend. You’ve made incredible progress so far, don’t let others push you from your own path. I’m proud of you…keep it up!

Hey Daniel,

It’s good to see you here. Thank you for sharing these updates and just how life has been for you lately. I’m really sorry that you have had such a heartbreaking experience with this woman though. It sounds that you’ve gathered so much efforts towards losing this weight yet she just wasn’t willing to acknowledge it. It’s so hard to be with someone who seems to be judging you, waiting of you to change radically. Hurts even more when they don’t even acknowledge our actual accomplishments. Losing 50 kgs was a huge accomplishment, a beautiful work towards a healthier you, and that was - and still is - something absolutely worth celebrating! If anything, I’m so very proud of you, friend.

It makes sense that since this interaction trusting others has been difficult. This person has hurt you, and it leaves a type of wound that you might keep on carrying with you for some time. When you trust someone yet they don’t value you as you should, it feels like losing your smile. It’s understandable that for now you’ve been navigating social interactions just as you need, between putting on a brave face and feeling delepted of energy at the end of the day. You’re trying to cope, to process what happened, you’re doing your best to not let it hurt you furthermore. It’s okay to let yourself feel this pain at the moment. Don’t let what they said to you prevent you from achieving your goals and being your beautiful self - they didn’t see you, and that is their loss only. We see you here. We value you. We love you. You’re doing great and we believe in you wholeheartedly. :heart: