I’m feeling pretty unlovable today.
I usually don’t have a lot of human interactions during the week since I live with my parents and brother, work in a small office where the majority is my family, and I don’t hang out with other people much, mostly just my 3 year old nephew.
I feel pretty lonely most days, and my anxiety and being an introvert doesn’t help me much with that.
On the weekend I at least see people in church, but I usually try to not to engage too much because I’m not very emotionally stable at the moment.
I was thinking about myself today, and when I look at myself, and all the things that make me me, I don’t see why anyone could ever love me or want to be my friend.
I see this failure that I am and I understand why I’m alone. I understand why I don’t have tons of friends and why I usually don’t see people during the week.
It hurts to see this about oneself.
It hurts to know that no one would check on me, asking me how I’m doing or if I’m still alive. I know that no one would text me or talk to me if I wouldn’t text them first or would try to start a conversation.
Most people think I am strong, I am not, but I have to be.
I guess I just want to feel some love. I just don’t want to feel like it doesn’t matter if I’m here or not. I wish I would have someone who would actually care…
I’m sorry you are having a day like this but I have to say you are strong. You are loved. You are cared for. You most certainly do matter. I consider you as a friend and I absolutely love hearing from you. I’m so happy that you are alive. I’m here. I always will be. You are incredible.
Hang in there @fiji I’ve got your back. We all do.
Love you friend
Fiji, I can relate to several things you’ve mentioned. The not feeling like you have much to offer in a friendship. I don’t dwell on this. But at times I do think about how I’ve become more “dull” since dealing with anhedonia for a couple of years. Not as peppy or feeling as much excitement over things like I used to. Like you, I’m an introvert. I’ve come to accept this about myself, and just embrace being an introvert as a part of who I am. But I also know it’s the reason why with most people I am rather “quiet” and can’t think of much to say. Unless we “click” that is. I have a hard time wanting to make plans with people, especially during the week, because “what if my introverted self just needs to chill after a long day or week?” The always being the first to text or to ask to hang out. I get it. But that does not mean you or I are unworthy of friendship or are failures. It just means we were created the way God wanted to create us. It can make making friends harder, but it doesn’t mean we are failures. Keep your chin up. You have so much to offer. Accept yourself as you are, introvert and all. You are loved. Just as you are.
I feel exactly how you feel
Hey, what you’re going through is totally valid and a lot of us have felt that way. It’s a very lonely feeling. Sometimes what we see in ourselves is so much more bitter and worse than what others see in us. We’re our own worst critics and for that reason we beat ourselves up.
You’ve made it through all of your bad days, weeks, months, and years before. You got this!
Something I learned to do was be the first to checkup on people and friends and if they don’t checkup on you, maybe you need some new friends.
Online communities like Discord, Facebook Groups, Twitter, and other online games are fast ways to make friends.