So, this is becoming a habit, sorry about that but its been a week and its a lot.
Im a daughter, I think im a good daughter, I certainly try to do my very best to love care, respect and help both of my parents but more so my Mum because she needs it more than Dad.
Last week after weeks of ongoing severe pain and a fall and asking numerous times, I finally got a doctor to agree to do an xray on Mums hip, within a couple of days they wanted to see her and it was urgent (of course we panicked (must be cancer right) well thankfully no but she needed a ct scan that day so off to hospital, she was then kept in and told “you must not walk on that hip again” they mention fracture and lack of blood supply and that she needs a hip replacement and put her in a hospital bed. So thats it, we get our heads round that I get everthing at home sorted, she has everything she needs and I actually begin to get excited by the fact that Mums future is going to be so much better after this is done. (That by the way was last friday)
On monday I phoned in the morning to be told she is coming home, there is no fracture, she indeed has a screwed up hip but they wont fix that now, there is a waiting list for that doesnt matter how much pain she is in.
So now they have sent home a woman with anxiety problems that they told could have a fracture and blood supply problem home alone, they have done nothing but make the situation worse, she is frightened to move no matter what I say, we have the same conversations over and over and this is on top of all the other anxieties she already has.
I feel like im going out of my mind with all of this. I have been in touch with her doctor her meds have been increased recently its not helping yet.
I lost it a bit with her yesterday because I dont know how much more I can manage, I have to keep myself together too, no one else is going to do this.
Oh and my brother who is a diabetic also has covid and is not well at all.
Like I said, its been a week and Ive kind of had enough.
ok thats it. Thanks thanks for reading all this. xx
Oh this must be both frustrating and maddening to have a parent who needs help be sent home, and then have to wait until there’s some news. I do think that the medical team could have provided you all with some supportive reassurance that while she needs the replacement, there will be pain that has to be managed, but also to outline the risks.
I’m sorry that your mom is so scared of moving for fear of injury. That sucks, and it must feel horrible to see your parent struggle like this. Fear and worry, and coping with your own stuff, your brother’s, yeah that’s a lot.
Could you ask the doctors they provide her with a list of “Safer” activities she can do, while being careful, that won’t further exacerbate the injury?
Would it be possible for you to go over to her place and just create a fun relaxing evening, food or tv shows and tea, or play cards, whatever it is that makes her happy to do with the family that’s low movement required?
And you, you need to take care of yourself too, and carve out some time to rest, relax and self-care. It must be a stressful time, but I hope there are things you can do to help blow off some steam too.
You’ve loved, and i do hope that things improve for everyone! Thanks for sharing with us and giving us the opportunity to support you too
I want you to know that I have so much love and respect for you. For doing everything in your power to make sure your mum is comfortable and has what she needs. Even tho sometimes your patience is a little thin (totally normal in this situation too btw), you still manage to calm your mum down and help her. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to hear the same complaints and worries over and over. It takes a lot of love to do that.
You ARE a WONDERFUL daughter!
I think the doctors handled this horribly and I’m so sorry that your mum and you have had to go thru all this. It’s a lot for sure. Hopefully, your mum will be able to have the hip replacement soon and have a better quality of life.
im sorry to hear that, and my toughts are with you and your mom, your family.
I can imagine that it is much, but what you do for your mom is awesome. You are strong and please
give yourself some time, self care and awareness.
i can imagine that this is frustrating for you but you do everything to help you mom, i’m sure your mom
is proud of you. i hope for you that a solution will come, i wish you and your family only the best.
you deserve everything good in this world, you are a great human with even a greater heart, so much kindness and love that you show us everytime. still going through all of that shows how strong you are.
You are worth and we all love you here, be sure if you need something or i can help, just say something.
Everytime for you.
oh Lisa this is just devastating. Hips are nasty things to injure in any capacity, but especially as people age it gets more problematic. I wish that people could act sooner and create preventative measures rather than waiting until it’s at the point of needing a replacement. It pains me to think about.
Would she at all benefit from some physio therapy? Would that help her gain some confidence and lessen her fears?
you are indeed a wonderful daughter and sister. I am so sorry your brother is going through this experience as well. I know I was worried about my own father for the same reasons. I do hope he’s not feeling the worker end of it. Hopefully he’s keeping his fluids up and is having nutritional diet even if he can’t taste it so much. Perhaps if he doesn’t feel so much like eating there’s diabetic sustagen as well.
I hope this week provides a little bit of ease for you and your family. Love you greatly x
Thank you all as always for your thoughtful and kind replies, it did feel good to get that all off of my chest I must say although @Mystrose is a great support and ear to all of my complaining most days its good to get it all down here in one go.
[quote=“Sita, post:2, topic:33976”]
Would it be possible for you to go over to her place and just create a fun relaxing evening, food or tv shows and tea, or play cards, whatever it is that makes her happy to do with the family that’s low movement required? That isnt really much of an option very often, now mum cant drive anymore and I never did learn its taxi’s and they cost a lot to go over there and back so unless its an emergency I have to limit my visits. We talk on the phone a lot and of course if she needs me Im there.
Me too and thank you Rosie, you are such a loving support to me. xx
It is frustrating Aardvark because normally when Mum has a problem I can generally get it sorted out either my self or by making calls to find someone else who can but I cannot fix this and believe me I have tried, this is out of my control and nothing I say will make any difference except for where mum is concerned, I can try to help her with her anxiety but I cannot get her hip done any faster so that she feels safer and it scares me that she will give up.
Mum started physio a couple of weeks ago, im currently trying to talk her into not cancelling it, a small addition to the post is we think she may have caught covid in hospital, she is taking a test so now she is worried about that too. My brother however hasnt mentioned not being able to taste but his insulin doesnt seem to be taking effect properly so thats a problem.
I guess it will all work it self out. Things always seem to happen like this dont they. I just find it all very difficult.
Thank you all again for your support. You all mean the world to me.
Much Love Lisa xxx
i was about to dm you asking how things were with your mom but remembered you had mentioned a wall post with updates so i’m thankful to find this update here
but hey, how are things going in the past week? i hope your brother is on the upwards path to recovery from covid, especially being diabetic makes it extra worrisome. with your mom, i’m beyond relieved that it wasn’t cancer but also hate that she had to go home with so much fear to basically move an inch. like a chance of having a fracture or blood supply issue?? dude that’s… so scary. the pressure of taking care of everyone through all this seems overwhelming so i hope you’re able to do what you can to decompress (like knitting holly a winter sweater)
i know everyone above stressed it enough that you are an incredible daughter, sister, and person. please know you and your whole fam continue to be in my whole fam’s thoughts (even my lil’ brother and grandma are in on the lisa support train). i know it isn’t much to know that some random texans are sending the best of wishes your way but if i had the ability to move your mom to the top of that waiting list, you know i would in a heartbeat!
Thanks for the reply
Its been a strange week, Mum and I had words, she broke me down a bit and when she realised just how upset I was it seemed to bring her round a bit to trying to look at things a bit more logically (well either that or she is feeling exactly the same and just not telling me now) I am trying to keep things together but I struggle myself with anxiety and I am not good with taking on someone elses.
Jason still feels rough but there is improvement so that is great, I am not checking on him 3 times a day now so definite changes. So the next worry is Holly, she has not been breathing well since she was nesting so I need to take her to the vet. Every possible awful bird disease is going on in my head and what on earth could be causing this. Just the thought of losing her (well we wont go there)
I thank you and all of your wonderful Texan family for your loving thoughts, it absolutely is a lot and im grateful esp from Grandma. lol lots of love. Lisa xx