Hello everyone -
I apologize for the length here, but wanted to share what’s been on my mind.
The one year anniversary of my divorce is coming up here this week, and it has really been weighing on me this past year (more so recently). I was married for just a few years, and the majority of that time was amazing. We were planning a life and family together. Things abruptly came to an end when she asked for a divorce out of the blue. She had been partying multiple days out of the week with her military co-workers, and also driving while intoxicated. I tried to get us into consulting, but she just refused and ultimately moved out soon after. I know there was most likely another person in the picture, but it was never confirmed (the one and only time I asked she has said no). She quickly moved out and we separated, she deleted myself, family, and friends from all social media. When we were separated for about 8 months, we didn’t talk. One time she randomly called me up in the middle of the night crying because a guy that was a “friend” had thrown her on the ground and she managed to get away and lock herself in her apartment. I picked her up that night to give her a safe place to stay, but the next morning again she quickly left with no word from here for months. Events like this happened a few times over the 8 months we were separated. Eventually I decided the best thing to do was to try and move on with my life, and I ultimately filed for divorce. There is a lot more pain to this story that ultimately related to nights where I didn’t know where she was - just knew she was drinking heavily with friends and she would stumble in at 2am pretending like everything was OK.
I know her heart was broken by seeing how her actions were affecting me, but I believe that was her way of dealing with the issues she faced in life. I am not the greatest at communicating and I shut down when I am angry or sad.
I have accepted my faults in our relationship, but I still feel great sadness a year later. I think about her everyday, mostly because I believe I never got the full truth about what happened.
Two weeks ago, I decided to reach out and talk to a councilor.
I’ve put myself out there here this year and have gone on a few dates. I’m finding it hard to talk about my feelings and I’m scared that I won’t be able to make a connection with someone like I did with my ex wife. I have some other self confidence issues I am trying to work through as well
If you’ve read this far, I am extremely greatful. I am just not sure how to do what I need to do to move on with my life and more importantly be happy again.
P.S. I went on a date Saturday and it went well!