Needing somewhere to actually open up.
I’m sad and tired.
For a long time I’ve felt like a good cry could help me feel better and maybe let go or find an easier way to live with some baggage. But I’m afraid that if I start crying then I would never stop.
When I think about crying I always feel guilt, selfish, shame, and I see myself as a mess on the floor in the fetal position in the most tucked away, dark place I can find.
I hate being only just “ok” and I hate myself for not being able to figure it out; for being so lazy and/or unmotivated to do the things I need to (get healthy, eat better, exercise) or even the things I used to enjoy doing. It’s just so much easier to lay in bed or sit in the couch.
I want to be better but have no motivation to do so.