Over with the world

This past weekend i had a mental breakdown completely in-front of my partner, the entire process was my fault because I had too much to drink and I became extremely dysregulated emotionally. He saw me at my worst since i spent 2 hours that same night screaming at the top of my lungs that I wanted to kill myself and i was uncontrollably sobbing from all the pain i had been experiencing lately.

What really gets me is no one truly cares deep down, my friends for years never call/text/ or message me anymore, their excuse is the normal Christian excuse…“too busy worshipping God”, “building a family”, “you are just working too much”

Yeah I know I identify as gay but i should not be punished for my own existence and being called a freak, weirdo, sinner, and ostracized completely from society.

My own mother and sister do not want anything to do with me because i remind them of my deceased father. (i look exactly like him physically)

I get more calls/txt messages from work family than my family/friends…i am just tired of existing with such fake people and expecting love/respect/kindness.

I wish i could re-do life over and choose differently maybe be dead all those years ago and not have to go through being me


First I want to say that I’m so happy you’re here. I’m so proud of you for being with us and reaching out and sharing this hurt with us.

I know the roll alcohol can play in both emotionally helping you break down and in playing the roll of “solution” for pain. Can I ask how your boyfriend has responded to this and if you’ve had the chance to talk it over with him since? You’re obviously holding in a lot of pain I have no doubt
So maybe you two could discuss the events that leas to this and how he could beat support you right now. Maybe even draw up a safety plan?

You’re right, you shouldn’t be punished for who you are. It’s sad that some people can’t look beyond their own judgement to see a person who is loved and valued.
Sometimes it’s hard to let people go out of our lives, but maybe it’s a time for you to find a new community who will give you the support you need. Whether it’s here for now and you find people closer to you, I’m not sure! We could always brain storm.
I know people like to use blanket terms when they don’t understand other peoples struggles with mental health or being ostracised. They like to let you know it’s something you can control and you just need to “go for a walk”. So perhaps have you ever thought about talking to a professional? I’m not saying you have to, I’m just mentioning it because it could help you unpack your thoughts and feelings without the outside pressure. But that’s no pressure from me either.

This really broke my heart, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how it must feel. If I were them I would embrace that you look so much alike and feel so proud that your father has left part of himself to love.
If it’s not too painful, may I ask if this was recent?
How do you feel about letter writing? Getting all the feelings out to your family that you haven’t been able to express? Even if it’s not to send, and if you did want to, it gives them time to get the initial reactions out of the way and really think about what you’re saying to them.
I’m not suggesting a verbal berating by any means, even if it’s just to say “I miss you and I need your support” or “I know you’re grieving, but I have been too”.

I for one again at so glad you’re here. Thank you for being here with us



My bf and I talked about it a few times afterwords and he understands what goes through my head because he has the same thoughts sometimes. My bf has cerebral palsy and love him no matter what because he is normal to me and does not look like he has any conditions.

I rather not any professionals right now.

My father passed away 6 years ago about and my mom remarried last year but I am still paying the price for all the responsibility falling and issues falling onto me.


From: ManekiNeko

im so proud of you for opening up to your boyfriend about what’s been happening. That you’ve got each other to support. I do hope that you’re getting some more support as well outside your boyfriend. I understand you don’t want to talk to a professional right now, that’s okay, maybe even a friend or someone you view as a mentor.
I can’t imagine the tension that’s set between you and your family. It’s a hold to hold in and it’s been a lot that’s built up. Have you been able to communicate any more to them or does it feel like talking to a brick wall?
Hope to hear from you soon - Bimini

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From: foobie

Hi there. I had a similar experience coming out as bisexual. My dad is very homophobic and the first time I said that I was bi, he got mad at me, saying he didn’t need to know that and i was influenced by someone or something. It hurt me very much and i stopped letting people know who i was and how i felt. I use a blogging site called Tumblr and on there i found that there were more people like me, that supported who i was and it made me feel welcome. When i got older, I put my profile photo as the bi flag, my dad got mad but i didnt take it down. I didn’t care how he felt. I slowly got the confidence to be myself even if i didn’t have to talk to my parents about it. I found small groups that supported me through everything.



Hello Friend, I’m so sorry that you had a mental breakdown and it pains me to hear that you are not accepted for who you are by your friends. I hope that your partner is giving you the support you need. It’s sad that in this day and age we are still punished and made to feel bad for the way we love. I’m sorry you have to experience that because you matter and have a right to be happy. ~Mystrose

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Welcome to HeartSupport and thank you so much for sharing this with us here. It sounds like you have such a combination of built up frustration, upset, grief, anger, resentment, anxiety and fear that it has all boiled over and I am not at all surpised by that. You have been through and are still going through a great deal, far more than any one person should. I see you are not wanting to attend any form of therapy right now but I would urge you to think about it at some point as I truly believe that it would be an asset to you and for you to help to put all these issues and concerns into a place where you can deal with them on an individual basis and then begin to move forward with your life. You sound like you do have support with your partner and thats good but as you are probably already aware, alcohol is not your friend and really wont help clear your mind. I want you to know that you are welcome here anytime to lean on us too, you matter and I hope in time life will start to look brighter. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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Hi there Blacklink13x,

I hear so much being a part of this community about people being ostracised by the families because of religion. It’s heartbreaking and you absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this. They are in the wrong and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

I understand that losing control in front of someone you love can be difficult to process. However, these are emotions that you must have been bottling up for a long time; they have to come out at some point. Maybe you should consider regularly sitting down with your partner and talking over this stuff; so it doesn’t build up until you can’t handle it any more. I would also add that your anger, sadness and frustration is entirely valid and justified; what you have experienced is wrong and cruel.

If I look at my life and my friends, there are very very few people who consider to be genuine friends. Finding people who love and care for you (or anyone) unconditionally is a rare gem. There are many of those gems in this community, but finding them irl can be hard. Hold on to what you have with you partner; it sounds like what you have is real and meaningful.

Thank you for reaching out here friend. Keep safe. x

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Agree with dr_hogarth on this one. Bottling up emotions for awhile, likely about this individual. Finding someone that truly cares about you unconditionally is truly a rare gem, and from what I’m reading it seems this person does not care in the least about you if you’re reacting that way in front of them. And alcohol brings out how you truly feel.

Think of the last person you had something real & meaningful with - Have you consumed alcohol in front of them within the last year and experienced the same reaction? I’m also not understanding why the cerebral palsy is mentioned. Perhaps you feel sorry for them and unintentionally use that as a means to justify being with this person? Does this person use the condition to their advantage? Is this the first time you’re with this person?
Regardless, it shouldn’t warrant being with a crummy person whether they have a condition or not! Could you tell us a bit more?

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