Have you ever felt jealous of someone you love?
I’ve spending a lot more time working on my mental health these days. I’ve been feeling bouts of positive energy and joy while making changes in my life. One thing I did notice yesterday evening was that I feel jealous of my sister. It’s such an ugly feeling. We have been talking more frequently this past week and I have felt so much closer to her. Then yesterday, she sent me a video of one of her latest accomplishments and…I couldn’t respond right away. I took a moment to pause and think about what was holding me back from congratulating her. I also sensed that she may have been refraining from sending me the video up until that point and this may be something that has been going on for years. I think that jealous can be sensed by both parties involved. After giving it some more thought, I don’t think it’s really about her success…maybe a little bit but I think what I mostly feel is jealous of her friends that she shares it with. It’s like I don’t want them to have her. Something bothers me about them being right by her side all the time, loving the same music and movies, creating things together, etc. This happened with one of my best friends as well. Someone new came into their life and I found it hard to accept them, even though I thought highly of them. I guess it’s like they found a better replacement. I know it’s silly, but that’s how it feels. Even if they tell me, no one could replace me…it sure does feel like it lol And the thing is, I would not prefer that she did not have those relationships. They have helped her and been there for her when I physically couldn’t (we live in different cities). So I think remembering that makes me grateful that they are there. So maybe this will be something I will be working on. Being happy for other people.
Back to the other part…I think that in the past, I have had the fear that she would outshine me. I felt like when people look at us standing together they think to themselves which of the 2 of us they love more. I feel like they see all of our achievements hovering above our heads and that they can see my lack of growth. My lack feels like it’s on a display for all to see and all I have are excuses for why I haven’t reached my fullest potential or realized my dreams yet. I still have hope that I won’t always feel this way. Even this morning I had the revelation that we are both like bright light shining. And one bright light placed next to another will not be eclipsed. They shine even more brightly. So that’s they way I want to see us from now on. Two people similar in nature, on different paths that reflect one another and are inspired by each others strengths. I think that life will be so much better and I will be able to increase the amount of joy I feel daily by deciding to celebrate her accomplishments with her and also my own.
If you were able to overcome feelings of jealousy in your life, please share below! Also, I’m Christian, so if you have any scriptures that come to mind, I don’t mind you sharing them. Thank you!