my throat hurts really bad and i can’t breathe properly now. i’m just overreacting. but the very thought of it made me feel like this. what if it actually happens? i genuinely think i would kill myself…
also i would never tell the friend i’m referring to in these messages about this. i wouldn’t want to guilt trip him into staying with me or anything like that. i just want him to be happy. he’s my best friend :)…
If he’s your best friend I’m sure he would understand and want to support you. I get feeling like you are just guilt tripping people to thinks but telling someone how you feel isn’t guilt tripping.
I’m sorry you were hurting like this. You know, for many people, distance feels like abandon, which can trigger a lot of deep feelings, a raw insecurity inside of us. Maybe you were “overreacting” in a sense, but how you feel is still valid and important to be heard. This was the expression of your feelings, which is not wrong in itself. However, there might be healthier ways to deal with those intense emotions than hurting yourself. Even if you’ve already been through a similar experience, it doesn’t have to be the same from now on. By sharing this, by putting words on how you feel, you acknowledge your insecurities, which puts you in a position from where you’ll be able to work on what hurts you.
I would like to second what @Paladine said: it’s okay to talk to your friend about how you feel. You don’t have to bottle up your emotions or hide them. And actually, you can also explain that you don’t want to guilt trip them. Just to let them know the complexity of your emotions, that you don’t want to cause any harm, but also that it’s important to be honest about how this situation affects you. Friendship is not about sacrificing one’s happiness to another. When two friends face an obstacle, they canwork together on it to make sure that both individuals would be okay. Your friend deserves to be happy, but you as well. You know, opening that door might also help your friend to express how he feels about this situation. It might be bittersweet for him as well and make him feel torn. Who knows?
It’s okay to communicate about those things and be honest, in a calm and loving way. Friendship endures this kind of hardship.
