This was originally going to go under my previous post but it was so far off topic and long enough that I believe that it deserves its’ own post.
Here goes my dad again. Yelling to the pint my brother gives up. Yelling and upsetting everyone until they give in. Yelling until you believe he’s right. I give up on him. I give up on getting out of this place. My life will always be full of this type of shit and I know it now. It’s only going to be pain and yelling and fighting. There will be no peace. No relief. No love. Nothing that worth doing. It will just be this. I’ll be stuck here forever and ever until I die and probably still end up in a place just like this before my brain finally shuts off forever. I’ll be here. With only pain. With only hate no matter how much love I give it will only get worse so what is the point. What’s the point in fighting. What’s the point in living if it’s just this. It won’t change even when I leave because I have to protect others and that’s going to bring more pain and more.
I know the pain you go through with feeling stuck with people who yell and abuse and it feels endless. It doesn’t have to be, you deserve so much more.
You already know you don’t want to be like them. You know you don’t want to lead a life like this. Protecting other is so so so brave of you, but it doesn’t have to be forever. Sometimes protecting others is calling authorities. And to protect others you have to protect yourself. If you’re hurt and gone then those who are vulnerable and can’t won’t see your example.
I know giving promises seems really worthless at the moment, but I do believe that you can go beyond what your given. That there are people who love and care for you and don’t want to cause harm to you.
I know I don’t know you well, so maybe saying that I care for you isn’t worth a lot, but I truely do care. I care because for everyone like us… for everyone like me… I want to see them get past the now and into the better.
You deserve better.
You won’t forever have to deal with their abuse. And it is abuse. Maybe someone else can shed more light into what course of action should be taken, because they are NOT allowed to treat you like this. Just because someone is responsible for your birth doesn’t mean they are a father. Doesn’t mean they deserve respect. Sure you can try to make things as less hostile as you can, but you as a human deserve love and kindness.
I care so much because I feel the desperation and I want better for you.
when you’re in an abusive relationship or environment, your mind can’t comprehend that there is any other “normal”. Movies don’t help because theyre all skewed too. But look at your friends, read about surviving abusive households.
You will see that even though you’ve been brought up in this sort of household, there is NOTHING that says that this has to be the way the rest of your life is.
Your father will not rule over your life forever. Things change, that is the reality of life. Things will change for you too. Maybe your mother takes action. Maybe one of the kids calls the authorities. Maybe you guys tell a trusted teacher/counselor/family friend who makes the call for you.
You’ve only tried what you’ve tried. There are many options still for someone to intervene in your family matters. It is scary, No-one doubts that. But we all know that there is better out there, more peaceful, love and feeling safe in your own home.
Hold strong, and remind yourself that you are indeed loved here. If nothing else, please know that you matter to us, and we like having you here with us.
Hi Paladin
So sorry you are going through this. I just wish I could give you more. Something that would make this all be better. I hate to see you in pain. You cant change a person from being an asshole if they dont want to. I think your dad is horrible for what he is doing to you and your family. He truly is a toxic parent in every sence of the word. I dont think it is going to be like this forever though. It cant be. It is going to get better. I want you to consider a few options. 1. Leaving. Do you think it is possible for you to leave for college in the future? 2. authorities. Your dad is an abuser. Do you think the authorities should get involved? 3. family help. Do you have grandparents or uncles or anybody who knows about the situation an would be able to help?
Protecting others is almost a need for me and I’ve have actually managed to in the past to protect myself but it’s been a bit since then. I don’t know if I want the authorities or not. I don’t know. I want it to end but I don’t want him to be hurt. I know that sounds stupid that I don’t want my abuser to be hurt but I care about him and don’t want to see him hurt. Maybe his abuse won’t be forever but I’ll be stuck with it forever. I’ll be stuck with the memories. Maybe it will get better but I’m losing hope. By definition he is my father. I guess I deserve it but will I get it? Who knows. Also you saying you care means a lot to me.
My friends normal is this too. It’s kinda of like birds of a feather stick together. I guess it doesn’t have to be the way forever. But it will still affect me forever. I don’t know if intervening is the right option. I want it but I’ll only do it if I know it’s right. I may never feel safe honestly. I don’t feel safe anywhere anymore. I’m trying to hold on. I really am and thank you. I’ll try to remember that some people care
It’s okay that you don’t have something to make it all better. He really is toxic but he’s also great at times and it’s confusing. I want to leave when I go to college but I can’t. I have to stay for my siblings. I have to stay to keep them safe and protected. I don’t know if I want them involved. It might make it better. It might make it worse. I don’t know. No one in my extended family can help as none of them know.
I know that he might seem “great at times” but that does not justify what he is doing. It does not. A decent person should be bad at times but not great at times. Being occasionaly nice does not justify being an toxic abuser…
Yep. Sometimes it is intentional. Maybe not in the case of your dad but sometimes abusers and manipulators will do nice things to confuse you and make you think they are better people then they are. If people were just good and evil it wound be super easy to spot the bad guys but it is not as simple. The watter is muddied up and most of us are in the grey zone of morality. Remember that bad people sometimes do good things as well as good people sometimes do bad things. We are all flawed but some of us turn their flaws into weapons of pain and cruelty. A few drops of water does not turn a desert into a lake. A few good things does not turn a bad person into a good one…
You don’t have to say sorry. You aren’t responsible for how he acts. Please don’t blame yourself for your situation. You’re meant to be allowed to depend on your family.
You’re not alone in how you feel, in that it will never end. Maybe you will find comfort in the testimony of those who have gone through similar emotions.
Reddit has a bunch of subreddits that a quitte useful if you browse through them and read people’s experience.
In know the pain feels forever, but it won’t be. Nothing in life is permanent, NOT EVEN PAIN.
Your experiences now are largely iutbof your control. You can control how you react though. You control how the rest of your life looks once you’re able to safely move out.
Focus your energies on the things you will need once you’re on your own- driving, getting a job, interviewing skill for jobs, reading or looking at videos that remind you that your situation happens to many others, and seeing how they coped, how the survived.
It hurts yes, but it hurts now.
The future can be better, especially if you plan for it, if you get yourself ready for it.