So it’s been almost one month since I had contact with my ex and it feels like my insides are clawing at me. I wake up in the middle of the night and constantly dream about him. I posted about him on here almost a month ago and got a lot of helpful responses and have been talking to my therapist every week. He’s the book definition of a narcissistic abuser.
But he also had a complicated up-bringing and life in general so there’s a lot of days my heart aches for him. I feel sad, I miss the good times, and then I feel anger to numbness. Sometimes I secretly wish he would show up on my doorstep and we can work through things. I know it’s a dumb thing to wish for.
I can’t even go to certain places that we used to go to. I went to a grocery store that I mostly went with him to and I felt myself internally panicking and rushing to get out.
Why does he just get to pick up everything and move on? Why can he just jump into relationships with other women, seconds after we break up while I’m still sitting here trying to be okay?
I’m trying to find things that make me happy but these past two days I couldn’t leave me bed and today is already starting out difficult.