I don’t know where this post will take me but I’m sorry either way. This week has been such a bad week mentally. That now I just can’t be bothered todo anything. What made it even worse is my foster contract ran out today and I am now in this dreadful place that’s making me want to end myself even more. On Sunday 2 hours after Swat, I got the news that my best friend since day 1 passed from Suicide. That broke me and still is breaking me to the point of no return. I don’t know what to do my life is willing to end it at this point. Just as I was recovering from a depressive wave a bigger 1 dropped on me. When will it end? Or will it end me? I guess luckily this place doesn’t allow you to have sharp objects. Which is killing me internally. Why make me suffer even more? I’m ashamed to say I broke down badly today to the point I went into Isolation to ‘Calm down’ I’m never going to calm down. These people. Honestly Im scared where my future lays ethier alive or dead. I hate thinking about the future it gives me the worst Anxiety/panic attack. Well I guess this is good bye I Don’t know where my life lays in the next week.
Aces, I am glad you have posted, I really need you to hear me, I have seen how much you have written this week, how hard it has been for you and how much you have tried to find help by calling support lines which has not seemed to get you very far. Can you please call your support worker and tell them how you are feeling? It is vital if you are feeling like you want to end your life that you tell someone, tell an adult that can actually help you. they have to help you Aces. I am so so sorry that your friend has passed that is absolutely dreadful but the last thing your friend would want is for you to do the same so please call, if your foster parents cant help then the authorities have to. Im so sorry you are in this position, you shouldnt be but you are and you need to ask for help. Its great that you talk to us but we cant come and help you. please call. Lisa x
You should continue living to honor your friends memory. Do it for them, be a friend to those that have none. Share the fire inside, the fire to help others. Start a movement, do something to take your mind off of thoughts of harming yourself.
Hey Aces,
I am so sorry that you lost your friend. I can only imagine how terribly heartbreaking this must be. My heart goes out to you. You’re in my thoughts. It is heart-wrenching to read how hard it’s been for you and how much you’re suffering. I’d very strongly encourage you to follow Lisa’s advice to get the support you need.
During some periods in our lives, we can and must only focus on today. Maybe sometimes it is just an hour or a minute. Day by day. There will be a time when the resources to deal with the future will reappear, but you don’t have to deal with everything now.
I appreciate you so much and would love to keep reading from you. Sending you hugs and much love. Please take good care of yourself, you deserve it so, so much.
Thank you lisa. I have been trying to for the past day.i dont have the self confidence to talk to anyone let alone speak out about my struggles.
Hey, That can be tough for sure, its really hard to 1) find someone that you trust enough, 2) be able to explain how you feel, I still struggle with that sometimes and 3 when you eventually get all that in place actually get the words out.
The problem is you are desperately unhappy and you cannot and will not get the help you need if you don’t do something so why dont you write it down, it doesnt have to be a beautifully written piece of work, it can be notes it can be bullet points it can be a load of mixed words and emotions it doesnt matter as long as you get the point across to someone that you are in trouble and need that help and if they start asking you questions you dont want to answer, write it down. No one will care as long as you get the help you need. I want that for you Aces truly x P.s I know you are trying and im proud of you. x
Still dealing with this grief. Emotionally shattered still don’t know what todo with myself at this rate. I talked to my Case worker I have some sort of thing for my mental state coming up. But will I even be here next week.
It might be too late for others, but not for you to live life, love others, make friends.
talked to my Case worker I have some sort of thing for my mental state coming up. But will I even be here next week.
You will, friend. Hold on to that perspective of having something new next week, an actual opportunity to start having more support, just as you need and deserve. It may not bring all the answers immediately, but at least it would be a step forward. This is such a painful time for you, but please make sure to stay safe and take it one day at a time, even one hour at a time if that is necessary. During times when life throws such heartbreaking obstacles to our face, we need to be extremely gentle with ourselves.
We’re all rooting for you and we care about you. 
Yeh last night was the night I tried to end it. I’m safe ish now learnt from my mistakes but still triggered.
I’m grateful that you are still alive
It is a relief to know that you are safe and still with us today, @Aces, although I am so very sorry that you’ve been in this situation. It is a type of despair that nothing compares to and you never deserve to be in this position. I wish we could just all give you a giant hug right now. Know that, at least, the intention is there and you can really consider yourself hugged.
Keep sharing as much as needed, and keep using the crisis lines during times when you might feel overwhelmed with dark thoughts. You are so very loved. There will be more to this life, more love, more growth and more healing.
I was thinking of you and thought I’d send you some hugs and love. I hope you’re safe today and maybe one step closer - be it in contemplating, taking notes, or making calls, whatever it may be - to getting the help and support you need so that there are people by your side on your healing journey. I wish with all my heart that you’ll find a way through and past this excruciating pain you’ve been experiencing far too long. You matter and your life matters, Aces.
Thank you <3 same to you.
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