My apartment building hosted an event tonight where they gave out snacks and paint supplies. I’ve never really been an artist, but I saw painting as a chance to release my negative feelings in a constructive way. There were a lot of people there and I was by myself, but after some time my anxiety faded and I just focused on the painting. The other people there were acting like I didn’t exist, and it was somewhat of a relief.
I channeled everything I’ve been feeling recently into this painting. A few of you may be familiar with some of the meaning already. While I explain what it is it might sound corny or like pretentious bullshit but here goes.
The blue crying figure is me. My depression, suicidal thoughts and social anxiety leave me feeling very “blue” most of the time.
The ground is barren. My mental illnesses make life seem desolate.
All of the other figures in the painting have bodies shaped like reversed question marks. Question marks represent me questioning everyone’s intentions because I’ve been too naive and trusting in the past and have paid for it. And they’re reversed because most people who have been close to me have turned on me.
The green figures on the left are facing me and they’re the ones who seem like they care about me. They represent my family and friends. They are far off in the distance because I’m living on my college campus 90 minutes away from my home town, where they all are.
The orange figure on the right is my roommate. He’s the one person I know at college and he chose to prioritize his girlfriend over everyone else in his life. My one friend out here is not really my friend. He is close to me in the painting because he’s the one person I know that I am close to in terms of distance. Yet his back is facing me because he turned his back on me.
The sun is black. Even when it seems like there is light in my life I can usually only see darkness.
I’ve always written poems and lyrics as a way to relieve some pain but I found something special about painting. The visual aspect helped me articulate my thoughts in a new way. And there’s something more powerful about imagery compared to just words.
Thanks to anyone willing to read all that. I just thought I’d share a positive experience.