both my ex and i are bipolar.
we are very close and have been seeing each other on and off for years.
one of my biggest fears is that if he doesn’t reply to be; he’s dead or in a bad situation. I also get extremely angry when he doesn’t reply because it makes me scared and feel abandoned. I told him i can no longer speak to him unless its an emergency because this fear is incredibly debiliating and i need to let go of it. but I’m still so worried; even though i need to let go. hes probably in jail or lost his phone but its been longer than usual (usually hell reply the next morning if he can’t right away and it’s been an entire day) so i feel really uneasy; i know i shouldn’t care that much and that i need to get it off my mind but its just so hard to not think about. I’m so angry frustrated and worried and it makes me suicidal. the thought process is, if i KMS before i find out hes dead it will save me the immense suffering. I also have no way of coping besides smoking weed, and my medication has been not working and is giving me weird symptoms so I just feel very strange and worried. Please , if you go through this I would love to hear what other people have to say so i don’t feel so alone.
edit: also my text didn’t send through so either im blocked or his phone is dead, and i doubt he would block me b/c hes not that kind of person