Paraplegia

[Swix]

(probably just overreacting again) Obviously, it would make me trapped in my body, and limit me a lot, but that’s the point. When I got calf surgery, I couldn’t use the bottom half-ish of my body. People would care about me more because of my temporary disability and would understand I am trying my best. But they don’t really understand. They’ve never had it too. So they assume worse than how it is. And when I go above, when I do try my best, everyone is pleased with me. But when I try my best in capability, they compare me to others, even though I am not others. When I had that, my legs hurt to move, and baths sucks cause I couldn’t be in the water with my legs. However, with paraplegia it wouldn’t hurt down there, and I wouldn’t be able to move. People would understand I was trying my best. And I could have been able to escape Saturday. Where my relationship could crumble. Likely. It just hurts because it is my family. The people I care about most. I wish I could say something. But i’s already too deep. Also, I don’t care about weight. But I might live my life a little riskier. I’ve been clean for a while now. I don’t feel too bad. But tomorrow might change that.

But tomorrow will change that.

– Bit

[Wings]

Hi, welcome to Heart Support.

The only people who truly understand paraplegia are paraplegics. When it comes to support, you’re in a very unique situation, where it’s not likely that anyone around you will be able to really grasp how you’re feeling. If it were someone else in your situation, and you as a fully functioning (at least physically) person with no experience regarding physical limitations, were in a position to advise or support, do you think you’d do a better job of providing it? In other words, if you were in someone else’s shoes, and one of them was in yours, would your reaction and attitudes toward that person be much different than how they are acting toward you?

I think we all like to think we’d perform better if we were in someone else’s shoes, but it’s more likely that we’d act at least somewhat the same way.

I’m just talking about this so you might not be so irritated by these well-intended but pain in the ass people.

@Swix

But when I try my best in capability, they compare me to others, even though I am not others.

Comparing is the wrong approach, but it’s very common. Make sure you aren’t comparing yourself to someone else too.

[Micro]

Hey Bit, it’s nice to see you again.

You know, there is what we do and how others perceive it. No one will ever be in your shoes. No one. No one will ever know really how it feels to be you, to have your life, your story, to live with your thoughts, in your mind and in your body. On that matter, each experience that we have is unique.

Though we are granted of something beautiful, which is communication. We can use words (or other means) to express how it feels in our heart. What our pain is. What our joys are. Unless we say it, unless we try, even if it creates miscommunication at first, people will always guess and assume how we are doing based on how they know us, based on the expectations they have for us, and so on. Which sometimes really hurt! Because we face suddenly the huge gap between how we feel deep inside and how they see us.

So many times my mom told me: “you are so strong! when you want something you know it and you fight for it”. Should be positive, right? Yet when I heard those words, it felt like being stabbed in the chest. I couldn’t help but seeing how much she didn’t realize the daily pain I was in at the time. How much it was costing me to do what would be a small task from her own perspective. She didn’t get it! She wanted to see in me what she wanted to see. It was part of her responsibility - projecting something on me -, and mine: not saying explicitely that I wasn’t okay, because I didn’t feel like I had that space to talk about it with her.

I hear and understand your need for validation and comfort. We all crave for that. But it can become unhealthy if it becomes a goal in itself. And especially if we consider unhealthy means to get there.

You don’t have to be paralyzed or physically hurt for people to acknowledge you and understand you. It may be what you’ve experienced in the past, but that doesn’t make it a general rule in life. What makes genuine validation possible to happen, is to give the keys to the people we love to understand us. To say: listen to me please, because I need you. It takaes vulnerbaility, once again. Being paralyzed would just be a detour. It wouldn’t even be a real way to express yourself. You would receive comfort for what they would see and what you think is legit/valid in terms of what is painful or not. But emotional pain is real. Mental health is real. Invisible struggles that take place in our mind are real. Though it requires us to make them visible if we want to be supported.

It’s tough. It’s not fair. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s so much worth it. As being paralyzed would only mask your real pain to them, once again. And you wouldn’t be satisfied for being comforted for something that has nothing to do with how you feel in your heart.