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Paraplegic that wants to die

Hi I live in Atlanta and recently got shot, the bullet was a holo tip and exploded in my body which made me lose my spleen and wholes in my lungs. Luckily the holes have healed but it was the worst day of my life as it also hit my T12 Junction in my Spinal cord. I can no longer walk, use my penis, have to use catheters and dis impact my bowels. Nothing is easy anymore everything is so tedious it takes me 4 hours to get ready even for high school. I’m quite well known in my area of Atlanta and they all new what happened and created rumors and lies to tell a narrative of what happened. Because of my medical bills I have bankrupted my father and when I see my friends they all love me but I see pity in their eyes like they felt so sad for me. On top of that a really close friend of mine was caught creating rumors about me and it broke my heart. The only thing that makes me feel better is going back to my rehab hospital and seeing my friends that are in the same situation as me, I feel like they truly understand. My mother instead says I just need to get over it and if I screw up one more time then I’m out. I’ve mad bad choices in my life but this is serious, I will never be loved, it will never get better, I hate myself, I’m in every category and I just don’t see light at the end of the tunnel. I think about suicide and I just want to fade out of existence.

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Camii

Damn, im really sorry for you man. I cant image the fucking shit you have go through for person your age. People suck man, they dont care about rumors that could ruin lives. I wish, I could say something that easy the pain. I fucking hate people tell other people to get over, such your situation, no logic human can just get over a trumaic event like that. If you need help dont be afraid to reach out on here. Stay strong and again Im so sorry you have go throguh this.

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I am so sorry to hear that. Every part of your story completely breaks my heart. But PLEASE, PLEASE do not give up. Suicide is NOT worth it. It never has been and it never will be. You are an incredible, beautiful, unique person who deserves to see the beauty and the magic of a life well lived. You stayed alive for a reason, don’t throw it away. Please dont throw it away. Make the most of it. You can inspire people with your story, I promise you that. You are so much more than what you think you are. You have so much more worth than you seem to think you do and I will pray for you that one day, you see it too. For now, I beg of you not to let go and give up yet. Not even yet, NEVER. Fight with everything you have in yourself. Fight, and WIN.

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I’m so sorry for what happened. I can’t imagine the amount of hardship you are going through as you are adjusting to new things. I just want you to know that even though you feel like ending it and taking yourself out of your situation, I’m glad you are here and I’m glad you are alive.
Take one day at a time. Surround yourself with the people that make you happiest, whether it be your friends from school, or your friends from the hospital that can relate more to you.
You will absolutely find people in life who truly accept and love you for who you are. I promise.
Lean on people, look to God if you are religious, look to Heart Support, but I truly believe you are here for a reason.

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Camii,
You’re so young but extremely strong and I am beyond impressed with your strength. I am so sorry for your injury and what you go through daily. Especially your mother’s words, and being a mom I know I say things I regret. I am nurse assistant and I have worked and cared for many patients. You are not alone. I think it is great you visit at the rehab center to visit friends who have gone through what you have been through. Do they offer support groups you could join? Also, http://www.hugsbybrent.com/ when I was in HS a star athlete at my school got injured and became a quadriplegic. He went onto to win the bronze in the special Olympics. He’s written books and he tours schools speaking of his journey. He’s a badass rockstar :sunglasses:. Please please please! Don’t give up during this time . There is hope! You are not alone!!! Please read his bio in the link I sent! Camii our beautiful friend, you are a survivor Don’t forget it!!!

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Camii,

Reflecting on what others have said already - dying isn’t the answer, though I must admit the experience you are going through would tax a many of us, myself included not to want to press that trigger. Your strength is phenomenal. I don’t say that from a place of pity, but admiration.

With the Covid-19 virus and all, I see that schools have been cancelled in Atlanta but the thought of attending online is a given. Staying away from those old “friends” and evolving into the new friends, with your new set of skills and experience, is the way to go. Finding those in the same situation who share your experience that may be an inspiration to you would be key to seeing your way out of the darkness.

An aside though, as a parent, would be that your mother and care givers, may be experiencing a profound loss too and need their own support with your new life. Their loss may be coming out in unexpected, horrible ways as evidenced by your report on what she said. Then again, she may have been that way before which speaks to a different set of concerns.

Feeling like you:

… would be normal for many of us. You just had a signifcant life altering event where you have to completely change the trajectory of your life into something else. That’s huge. Allowing yourself the grace sit with that grief and change is painful, but needed.

Time will heal wounds… but the scars remain. I’m sorry for your loss(es), there are so many. You have a good community to tap into through your rehab and there is almost always a social worker or therapist there to help you reach more resources.

Best of luck in your journey,

I’m a mental health streamer/professional and picked your post to talk about tonight. Please feel free to drop by my community and chat. You’d be more than welcome. <3

DrDyaus

PS – here is our community responding to you on live stream at twitch.tv/drdyaus

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