I really would like to have your opinion about the way I’m forced to go through life and the thing is that my parents impose on me. These are just a few facts to show you what kind of parents I have and the type of abuse I’ve been going through. I call it abuse because to me this kind of behavior from my parents is unjustified and very distructive on everybody.
- Telling me to lower my eyes when they speak to me.
- I can’t have my own opinions about anything otherwise I get lectured for hours.
- Not allowing me to date anyone they don’t agree to
- Lying to me to take me home because they didn’t agree with the person I was seeing
- Trapping me in a country against my will even though I was 23 years old
- Taking my passport
- Pulling my hair
- Threatening to smash my head with a metal hammer
- Grabbing my arms hard
I just want to know your honest opinion about things, are they right are they wrong? I have mixed feelings about them. I used to be very attached and after all that treatment throughout the years I ran away from them. Now I’m considering to go back. Should I?
If you can afford to stay where you’re at, stay there. I would not go back to that kind of abuse in a long shot. I am not sure where you’re located, but I would look into seeing if your country has something along the lines of Adult Protective Services. They are absolutely in the wrong for how they treat you. Any of those things you have listed are nothing you should ever do to anybody. I am so sorry to hear you had to experience any kind of trauma in that household. I understand your attachment to your family, I am in the same boat with that regard, and being accustomed to being treated poorly. But trust me, you’re better off mentally, and even physically to stay in your own space if you can afford to. You yourself come first. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for taking care of yourself. Please, keep yourself safe from that kind of environment the best you can. That isn’t fair to you.
It’s definitely abuse. Besides, they have absolutely no right to interfere with your life, regardless of your decisions.
Absolutely not! Even though they are your parents, I believe you are suffering from Stockholm syndrome. Besides that, it’s pretty obvious that your parents have some mental health issues that you can’t fix.
Check out this page:
Stockholm Syndrome: What It Is, Symptoms & How to Treat.
Yeah, I wanted to say it sounded pretty Stockholm myself to be honest.
I noted you called this behaviour abusive, so I do wonder what situation has arisen that you’ve thought about going back to it? When we are young we unfortunately get subjected to our parents ruling even when it isn’t fair or just, but when we become our own person we can stand up to that injustice and if going back is going to put you back into a position of hurt and being shut down, will it be worth it?
I know that it’s hard to put that division between you and a parental figure/parent. We hope for change and love and goodness, but are you in a place where you’re strong enough to stand up for yourself?
Hi Friend, I think if I was in a position where I actually had a choice, I wouldn’t go back to an abusive situation. That’s my honest opinion. I don’t know your situation in life however, so I would say to list the pros and cons and see if one out weighs the other. I hope you can find a solution and be at peace. ~Mystrose
welcome to Heart Support.
thank you a lot for sharing this. you are strong for reaching out with that. my honest opinion on all of this points
of you, is that all is wrong. no one has the rights to treat you like this.
respect is one thing, but also treat other like you want to be treated. every culture has their own way.
in what situation are you now, why you consider going back ? what is the reason for thinking about it ?
that is a decision that only you can make. and a decision only you should make !
think of the outcomes, what happens when you go back, what happens if you don’t.
what will bring either ways up for you. in good ways and in bad ways. think about that and calm your mind.
let your emotions out and look at your situation from the outside, as a third maybe. that can help.
you are strong and you will find a solution for you, that you will be happy with my friend.
you matter most ! because you are making that decision for your future.
you are loved and you deserve all good in this world.
Hi Friend. First, I need you to know that you’ve got a community of people here who care about you and your well-being. I believe that you may already know the answers to the questions that you’ve posed here. Abuse is never ok. It’s never the right thing to do to someone. Growing up in an abusive environment can make you believe that abuse looks a lot like love. I promise you that abuse is anything but love. While I believe that your parents do love you and your family cares for you, returning to that situation may not be what’s best for you. Is there something about returning that’s making you feel like it’s a good idea? I don’t know your current circumstances so it’s hard for me to develop a true opinion on what you should do. But I think it’s so important to ask yourself why you think this may be a good idea. Sending you so much love, friend. Please post here anytime you need support. We’re happy to do what we can to help.
Hi Friend, Welcome to Heartsupport and thank you so much for your post. Reading it made me think alot about the situation you were in compared to how you feel now and the question you pose of whether its a good move to go back to that or not and my choice for you and anyone who is in an abusive situation would be to get out and and stay out but the fact that you are considering going back makes me think that you could be in a situation right now that you are unhappy in?? If that is the case I would please encourage you to take a good look at what it is you are looking for from returning to the family and find out if you can gain that elsewhere, we can help and support you if you do want to post again anytime, but as I say please take a good look at your needs and how you can achieve them without having to put yourself in a postition where you feel abused again. You deserve to be treated with respect and you are worth so much more than how you were treated. we are always here if you need us. Much Love Lisa. x
From: Dr Hogarth
Really glad you decided to reach out here.
You’ve listed a lot of very good reasons not to go back to your parents here, so I’m wondering what is pulling you back. Were there things in your life before that your don’t have now, or perhaps your life is more unstable now you’re living away from your parents? My immediate reaction to reading your post is horror that anyone has to go through that sort of abuse, and I’m truly sorry about how you’ve been treated. I think if you can survive without going back to live with your parents then you probably shouldn’t go back, but I think you need to ask yourself why you still want to go back to them.
I think you are incredibly brave to have been through that situation and managed to get yourself out. Seriously, that’s amazing. x
First off, I wanted to tell you that I am incredibly proud of you for reaching out for support. It sounds like you have so much on your shoulders. I also want to welcome you into the community that is known as HeartSupport. Please know you are so strong, amazing and brave to take the steps that you have taken to remove yourself from that situation. Would it be helpful to create a list of the pros and cons of going back? I know for me, it is helpful to see everything laid out in front of me. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being a part of this world.
You are strong. You are brave. You are wonderful. You matter.
Welcome to Heart Support. I’m glad you came. This is a safe place and I hope that you find the help you need to make the right decision for you. So it sounds as though you are now living in a different place from your parents. Are you close distance wise? In the same country? Or would this involve a big move to go back to where your family is? As you decide about whether to go back perhaps think about a couple of things. First, what is it you are missing by not being back with your parents? Second, is there anything you have seen or heard from your family that would indicate that the above treatment would change? Third, is where you are now a safe place? Do you have friends and social support around you? Are you able to live independently? Fourth, what do you see as your life both where you are now and if you were to return home? Hopefully, if you think through these things, it will help you make the right decision for you and your future. I wish you well my friend. Please let us know how you are doing and what you decide. You matter.
Thank you everyone for replying to my message. It really does mean a lot to have a supportive community that is truly kind. My full story is quite a long one. I got trapped in 2018 for about 7-8 months in my home country (Indonesia), no one helped me. Not the police and literally no one could help me. As where I come from is pretty corrupt. My parents are also pretty well connected and wealthy. What I have back there is basically comfort, stability, wealth. Which although I’m comfortable here, the rest I don’t have. What I have here is that I’m broke. There are also many opportunities to create a business there as it’s a booming country and market. It is risky but I might have the promise from my parents to create something for myself, which wouldn’t come where I am. I’m seriously considering both options of staying and leaving. But I really don’t know what to do.
Stability and wealth, perhaps, but comfort? How can the situation you describe with your parents be remotely comfortable?
What if the question is, gain wealth and lose yourself, or tolerate financial adversity and gain an opportunity for self-respect and autonomy?
How stable is wealth in a nation with a corrupt government?
It sounds like you’re surviving in your current circumstances. I suspect you’re much better off emotionally where you are than you would be if subjected to your oppressive parents. Again, it sounds like a choice between money and misery or less money and more happiness.
Thank you for your response! It’s really helped me see more clearly and I totally agree with you. Thanks for sharing your opinion with me.
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