Hey @Lucipurr. Thanks for sharing this. Really.
The first thing I thought when I read this was just… Oh my gosh! Of course you feel stressed, frustrated and tired. When everything else in life is going perfectly, motherhood is still a gargantuan challenge, and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to do it alone. I really feel for you.
It’s hard to offer specific advice for things as complicated like this, but I’ll try.
We can work on making things better, no matter what. It can feel like you’re stuck, but you can definitely get unstuck. I don’t know how practical this is, but I’d encourage you to carve out some ‘you time’ if you can. Even if it’s just five minutes a day, I think it’s really important.
I think @Fullthrottle777 had a good idea. I know you said there aren’t any mothers’ groups in your area and that’s a shame, but not a dead end. I’m honestly not familiar with this kind of thing and so I’m not sure what to look for either, but I know there are a lot of groups for mums and parents on Facebook if that’s your thing. Googling your area and mothers’ or parents’ groups might result in something useful too. You may have thought of these already. I only bring them up just in case, because I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this. There’s support out there, we’ve just gotta find it.
Your little one might not know how much you’re sacrificing for them right now, but there will come a time when they realise it. I couldn’t possibly thank my mum enough for how much she did for my brother and I.
Good luck, stay strong!