People scare me, so fucking much.
I can’t stop shaking yet I kept talking and laughing to them. I’m so used to hiding my fear. The toxic alter started coming out of hiding today bc of it, but instead of hurting me they told me to calm down and walk away. I couldn’t though, I know they’re sick people, I know they’re dangerous, but idk how to avoid them. I never do. I just know how to be kind, or to kill, because toxic taught me that. Mori, taught me. I know I shouldn’t be letting them out of the cage but they are the only one there when I’m in danger. Idk what to do.
These ppl talk to me like we’re friends and acknowledge my issues like it’s nothing, then tell me “not to make it so obvious next time”. Fuck you, it’s not your fucking decision at what part of my body I try to kill myself on. Then they tried to get me to tell them my birth name, god… I’m so fucking pissed. The fucking nerve… They are clearly toxic, I can feel it in the aura they give off, they’re bad people, but idk how to stop talking to bad people. Maybe… That’s why Mori wants to help, because they detect toxicity? They know how to deal with it? Idk… Since I’m so used to people ignoring me, I assume that when people talk to me I should talk back. I’m pissed off too, I just wish I was with my college friends rn, I wish I lived with them. They make me so happy, not ADHD happy, but genuine content. I feel the safest around them. That’s bad though, because that means I’m codependent.
I wish I could hang out with the people on these forums, I’m so scared of ppl. But I like the people here.
I just, idk how to ignore ppl if I feel uncomfortable, I never knew how to, how do you do that? How do you not talk to dangerous ppl? Fear doesn’t seem to do shit to me. I don’t want to hate people but their are people that need to be hated to stay safe. Please… Someone fucking help me…
I can tell most these people aren’t human, only one of them is and I think that is either my assumptions, or they are just about to cross that line to the black abyss. I need… I need to stop talking.
Speaking of people. They are manifesting now. Idk what I’m doing differently but it’s happening. Maybe it’s this shift. It has to be.