Before I begin, I am not going to kill myself. I am firmly committed to staying right here and I won’t be leaving anytime soon.
However, I feel like a constant burden to everyone around me. I struggle with depression and anxiety and low self-esteem/self-worth. I used to hurt myself back when I was a teenager because I thought I needed punishment for not living up to my parent’s expectations. Even though I have thankfully stopped this behvaior, I still feel as though I am never good enough.
In my twisted brain, I see everyone (including my husband, family, friends) as being better off without me. I see what a constant burden I am, why can’t they? I’m not worth the trouble but they refuse to see that. I know that I do no see things correctly when it comes to this topic but at this stage in my life, it has become my truth. I will not kill myself becuase I know what that would to my family but at the same time, they would be so worry-free without my presence in their lives.
The temptation is always there to take my life, freedom is just beyond that point but luckily I can never reach it. I’ve seen therapists, read all the self help books, fought against the negative voice in my head for years, and buried my feelings deep down inside of me. Yet, I have always had this viewpoint and the end is never in sight.
Any advice for a young woman who sees herself as a constant burden?