For as long as I can remember i have been dependant on other people for my self worth. If people don’t like me I don’t like me, so when I meet new people I spaz out and talk alot and loudly because, I want people to like me.
I pick out clothes, how I act, just my over all appearance for other people, I am extremely uncomfortable wearing shorts that go anymore than an inch above the knee because I and worried that people will judge me for the way I look. Its the same with tank tops or t-shirts, it got to the point where all I would ever wear was sweaters and sweatpants. Because then people couldn’t see the body that was underneath the layers of clothing.
Its getting hard, everyone always talks about ‘dont care what other people think’ when that’s all you focus on.
Just looking for some advise,
Lost, broken breadstick
That’s a tough barrier to break through. I can tell you from experience that it’s impossible to please 100% of the people all of the time. Or at any given time for that matter. Someone somewhere will always find a reason to judge. I’ve worked in the service industry (in multiple capacities) for the past 15+ years. “The customer is always right” except when they’re not… As much as the service industry has tarnished my view of the human race, it’s also helped me stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks. Do what makes you happy. Regardless, there will be people who love you for it AND people who judge you for it. Trying to conform to other people’s standards is an impossible task. I know it’s easier said than done. Start small, then gradually go bigger as you become more comfortable. You’ll be much happier when all is said and done.
I’m Male, and I’m not sure what your gender (I’m guessing Female), but I feel the same way about clothing. I’m very skinny, and hate wearing shorts or T-shirts, I’m usually very quiet though, and have a hard time speaking up( People usually have a hard time hearing me), but there is a quote that I always think about when ever I’m dressing. “Other People’s opinions, are not your business”, that means that you shouldn’t need to worry about what other people think, as most people are either dickheads, or assholes. I know it’s hard know to worry about what other people think, and just like you, I’m dependent at times on other people for my self-worth. Just know that what matters is what you think, not them, as your the one making the decision’s in your life, not them.
I spent a lot of my life living like this. Especially when I was in school. I tried to wear what everyone else was and what was “cool”. I tried to take interest in all of the things the cool and more popular kids enjoyed. Bands and music. For me, it didn’t work. People just made fun of me for trying too hard to fit in. It was rough. But I carried that with me most of my childhood and young adult life. Living and molding myself to be what I felt like I needed to be in order to be accepted.
But this isn’t how we should be living life. I found that as much as I wanted to fit in with those around me, that I wasn’t truly happy trying to pretend that I was something that I wasn’t. Half of the time I didn’t really truly care for the things I was trying to like in order to fit in.
So I slowly started to embrace and enjoy the things that I like. Trying to hang out with other people and places that share the same interest.
I find as an adult it’s been much easier to do this than when I was younger, but I have been much happier for it.
Like, NoFox said, do what makes YOU happy. In our life not everyone is going to love us and we arent going to love everyone we come across and that’s okay. If people don’t like you for the things that you enjoy and like, then they are obviously just not a good connection for you. Doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are and the things you enjoy. We just have to find the connection with those we share things in common and build relationships with them.
I spent too much time trying to fit in to the wrong crowd. But it’s normal for us to want to be accepted and loved for who we are. Embrace who you are. It may be hard sometimes but you will be so much happier for it. It’s miserable living life the way you think others want you to.
<3 We love and appreciate you for who you are. You are important and valued. Don’t let anyone else make you think otherwise <3
This was me all over. It still is to an extent. I wear hoodies that are a size too big/mens hoodies because they are baggy and hide my body. I ONLY wear black trousers/jeans when I’m out because black is proven to make you appear slimmer… My dad tells me I’m fat, I have a big nose/big ears, so I’ve stopped keeping my hair short, and refuse to wear it up to “hide my ears” so other people can’t say the same thing. I care a little less about what people think - I mean, it’s hard to escape that when you get judged constantly by a parent, but, outside of them, I’ve accepted that actually, I’m very lucky - where I live, people don’t care what you look like. They care about the person you are… and so now, I’m more worried about how people see me as a person, rather than just how I look… I still get the days where I’m like “No, I can’t go out. Everyone is going to think I’m fat and ugly” but actually, that’s my own opinion of myself. I see myself as physically hideous… My dad sees flaws in my appearance, but… Now, he’s the only one that comments on it… No one else around me actually says anything about how i look.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. I know it’s not easy - but, you’re accepted here friend. Always. No matter what.
Be on the lookout for a post by @Danjo/@Casers here! They covered your topic and they did an incredible job; Please make sure to watch the full Twitch stream when it’s posted.
In the meantime, know that you’re not alone. Most of us have been in your shoes before (or are still in your shoes). I used to be insanely insecure throughout my life, up to the beginning of college. Growing up, I was told “the older you get, the less you care (about what you look like and what other people think about you)” - I’m only 27-years-old, and I can tell you that this quote actually has some power to it. Comparing to myself when I was younger, I believe I’ve made a lot of progress, simply by aging. Now I’m starting to lose my hair - if this happened when I was younger, I would’ve freaked out. Now, I’m just like “meh, whatever.”
In the meantime, remember that words hold weight. Speak truth over yourself. Wake up every morning, look in the mirror and tell 3 truths about yourself in the mirror. Personally, I have a little card taped above my lightswitch on the way out of my room that says, “Wake up and be awesome.” Anything helps.
I also find myself as a people pleaser. Not with my appearance, but with deferring decisions to others. It always seems like ideas are better coming from someone else. Some days, I can’t even figure out what I want anymore because decisions are even harder when I’m in depression. I probably need to take more control over my life, but It’s hard to find purpose beyond pleasing others.
Its part of human nature to care for other opinions, but that doese mean it has to defind you. Also, it easy said than done, but remeber you dont other people to make happy or worth someone. Because people also have the same flaws and issue. So they are no more different than you. Its okay to have that feeling of picking out the right cloths, but as long if dosent stress you or over think stuff. You can also think everyone once in while pick out the wrong cloths. it part being human. At the end cloths are cloths, you choose whatever you want that make you happy.
If your ears bother you, then I suggest if you don’t already have your ears pierced get them! Then you can focus more on the earrings than the shape/size of your ears.
Hope it helps,