I feel ashamed sat here writing this right now, and it probably sounds really stupid, but I need to put it out. Although it’s not a point I would consider a relapse, I feel like it’s not going to take much before it gets there.
I am 21 months clean from non-prescription pills, but it has been an incredibly rough ride. For a period of time shortly after I stopped using, I went through a phase where I was craving the sensation of needing to take a pill. Something about taking them is comforting to me… To get that, I was taking just basic, non-addictive painkillers (Tylenol). After a few months of being 100% honest with the people in my immediate support circle, I managed to get out of that habit, and stopped taking unnecessary medication just for comfort, and the cravings for that sensation stopped.
I thought that I was over this and that it wouldn’t be a problem anymore, but for a few days now, I’ve noticed myself falling back into that habit. I’ve been starting to crave that sensation of taking pills again, and without even realizing until after, I’ve been taking Tylenol or Ibuprofen just to get through it. I keep those things in the house because I suffer with Arthritis and it’s all my doctor will allow me to take right now. This has only happened a few times over those few days, which is why I’m here writing this now… I need help to tackle this before it turns into a relapse.
I can’t be the only one to deal with this, right?
First of all no, you’re not alone. There are many people dealing with the same issue on different conditions, who are also trying to get past the same problem.
There is nothing to feel embarassed about it, and I want you to know that you can do it.
It is a process and it takes time, and the only thing you’re gonna need is motivation.
So the next time you feel like you want to consume them again, I want you to think about your goals in life, and why you stopped taking pills.
It is a hard thing to deal and mostly ignore, but you can do it by getting new hobbies or get distracted by something else so that won’t remind you of them.
You’re not alone, you are strong and you can do it.
It is really open, bold, and amazing of you to open up about this. What’s even better is that you recognize that this particular struggle is beginning to come back up again and trying to put an end to it rather than letting it take control of you.
Although I have not struggled with pills specifically, I know what it is like to crave something and try to fight that craving/temptation, but ultimately loosing and giving in. The one thing you should not do is let that shame take you captive. It is perfectly natural to feel guilty and ashamed for doing something we think is wrong, but resting in that shame will not help you escape it. It is awesome you have an immediate support circle to reach out to about this and to help you, so definitely go to those people in your circle openly and let them know that this is popping up again.
You have the ability to overcome this challenge, this hurdle in your recovery. What you have already recovered from has made you stronger than you were before in this fight, so let that progress be your motivation to push past this. I’m not sure what your religious beliefs are, but just know that instead of letting the shame and guilt rest in your mind, you can openly seek the love of Jesus to rest in for peace and comfort. He loves us to the ends of the earth just as we are! Phillipians 3:12-16 are a set of scripture I used to look at when I felt like I wasn’t making progress in my struggles somewhat similar to this, and I hope it may help you too!
You are strong, and you are awesome. You can beat this!