Hello, I have admittedly not given heartsupport the love I once gave it as of recently. I’m still trying to adjust to actually working and things in general. It’s at the point where I go home and immediately want to sleep.
My topic today is a tough one, I really need some advice…
My mom cares about Thanksgiving at a high amount, it’s the only holiday my sister comes to visit in the entire year and now I fall in that category since my boyfriend and I have also moved out of state. We’d be taking bus or train there. I agreed to it, more so with a “hopefully nothing gets in the way” and of course, something is in the way.
My boyfriend isn’t guaranteed those specific days off at work to come with me. You might be thinking “You’re an adult, you can go without him” and I can, it’s just that my family is so stressful to deal with at times that I feel so afraid of the idea of going without him. I’ve never traveled alone before either, that’s a separate fear.
My family stresses us out, it’s why I we both left. I don’t want to hear them speak ill of my boyfriend and I don’t want do deal with the narcissistic bullcrap on my own…which I’m sure sounds incredibly selfish but I am just completely expressing how I feel, I apologize if I sound self centered, this is coming from a place of fear.
My boyfriend wants me to do whatever I want, though he would prefer we push it through together or I decide not to go.
Problem is my mom will make it seem like the world is ending, she might send me another picture of her eyes bloodshot from stress and make my brother go after me and make me all guilty for “agreeing to do something and not committing to it” and that “it’s the least I could do”
My boyfriend may have a chance to see his schedule tomorrow if his boss found the time to do it.
I feel like the only reason I want to go if I’m alone is just so my mom doesn’t make the world crumble and my brother leeches off of it and makes me feel guilty with it…
If we could go together, I’ll still be afraid of facing parts of their personality that made us move in the first place, but atleast we can figure it out together.
What do you think? I’m hoping for a miracle but they’re short staffed so most likely I will need to make a hard decision, I just don’t know what to do.
Thank you for reading, please take care of yourselves.
And I’m sorry for not coming here often, my brain has been so busy adjusting to new things…