@Heartsupportwall hope and validation. Feels like nothing I do can please my dad (the only real family I have left). Thanks everyone at @heartsupport and everyone who shares…it helps knowing I’m not the only one struggling.
@patrickmplaysdrums Hey friend. You’re absolutely not alone in your struggles. Well done for reaching out and not letting any potential fear of judgment prevent you from connecting to people who actually understand how it feels to seek a validation that seems to never come. With parents especially, we naturally look up to them, to their perspective and the way they see us. We need their validation from time to time as an indication that we are doing is right, that we’re following the right direction, whether we make mistakes or not. I’m sorry this validation doesn’t seem to happen wih your dad though. If it’s not something that’s ever been part of your relationship or just his way to communicate, it might be hard for him to verbally express that kind of thing. However, it can still be learned and improved over time. Maybe even through some honest communication? Sometimes expectations on both ends remain unsaid and we end up walking around the bush over and over. Maybe it would be worth to share your feelings with your dad one day, and see how you could adjust your relationship together? There is something beautiful in expressing that we need each other in some way. It gives the keys to each individual to have a positive impact on the life of the people we love. For your dad, it could be the recognition that you look up to him and his opinion. For you, it could be a first step in order to feel validated, first and foremost for how you feel. You are loved. You matter. You ARE enough as you are, right here and right now. <3
@jezliee.hs very much so. The hardest part for me is like you said, parents should be in our corner with us. Sadly, my dad is the one that puts me in a corner and not the way it should be. Both of my sisters have been able to block out the toxicity of their relationship with him but then with me I became so dependent early on because of struggles with my own mental health and now it’s really biting me in the rear as it’s gotten to the point I would feel EXTREMELY guilty even just setting the same boundaries the rest of my family has but at the same time I know I have to do it if I want to regain my own life back. Definitely not easy but knowing that this is a recurring problem in today’s society to some form or fashion at least brings comfort that it’s not just me dealing with this kind of stuff…and same can be applied to a vast majority of life’s struggles shared by others that have opened up.
@jezliee.hs thank you for your support it almost seems harder to set boundaries or even moreso enforcing them as we age, being 30 myself it’s like I wish I would have done it a very long time ago but the past is the past and can’t be changed unfortunately but yeah if the boundaries don’t get set, quite frankly I don’t see things getting better or less stressful and toxic at least.