@Heartsupportwall hope and validation. Feels like nothing I do can please my dad (the only real family I have left). Thanks everyone at @heartsupport and everyone who shares…it helps knowing I’m not the only one struggling.
I know the feeling well. It takes some strength to talk about this because we often sweep it under the rug as minor, but it creeps up, doesn’t it? Like shifty foundations for a house. I have often the same feeling with my mom, I never hear the « I’m proud of you » I so desperately need to hear sometimes. I believe it’s generational, to older gens, it was showing weakness to encourage or uplift someone else’s esteem, by opening the heart and letting the words out.
I hear you wanna be validated, and I can tell you: I am proud of you, right here, right now I’m a mother too now and if my little one opened up to me about his need for validation and hope, I would be proud, heartbroken, filled with love and compassion for him. And I would give him those words: « Are you pleased with your work? With your life and choices? If you are then I am. You could just breathe and I am the proudest mom for it »
So I offer you these words, dear human, and hope the conversation can happen with your dad one day.
With so much love,
You’re absolutely not alone in your struggles. Well done for reaching out and not letting any potential fear of judgment prevent you from connecting to people who actually understand how it feels to seek a validation that seems to never come. With parents especially, we naturally look up to them, to their perspective and the way they see us. We need their validation from time to time as an indication that we are doing is right, that we’re following the right direction, whether we make mistakes or not. I’m sorry this validation doesn’t seem to happen wih your dad though. If it’s not something that’s ever been part of your relationship or just his way to communicate, it might be hard for him to verbally express that kind of thing. However, it can still be learned and improved over time. Maybe even through some honest communication? Sometimes expectations on both ends remain unsaid and we end up walking around the bush over and over. Maybe it would be worth to share your feelings with your dad one day, and see how you could adjust your relationship together? There is something beautiful in expressing that we need each other in some way. It gives the keys to each individual to have a positive impact on the life of the people we love. For your dad, it could be the recognition that you look up to him and his opinion. For you, it could be a first step in order to feel validated, first and foremost for how you feel. <3