This is my second attempt at posting, I feel really uncomfortable talking about myself so im sorry if this is a mess…
My dad left 4 years ago and now I have to play dad to my 2 younger siblings. My mum struggled quite badly with the break up and I became a way for her to release her anger or a shoulder to lean on or both at the same time.
I was always my dads daughter even though he was never around much even when my parents were together. My dad was always my hero no matter how many times he told me I was worthless or any of the other stuff I was told.
My mum is now over the break up but being a single parent to three kids is hard and I totally get that, in all honestly I wish I could do more to help but I find myself in situations where I’ll try to help but I’ll make it worse or it just isn’t good enough.
Don’t get me wrong I love my mum and my siblings but I am so so tired, I struggle with chronic insomnia and have been on various medications but with no avail.
I have no idea how I keep going sometimes and in all honestly I’m not sure I want to.
I love my siblings but my mum baby’s them if that makes sense, I had to start growing up at the age of 10, when my dad first started not being around, by 12 I didn’t even recognise myself anymore, i don’t blame my dad or mum sometimes stuff happens. I don’t believe it’s anyones fault I guess I just wish I had a better childhood. My siblings on the other hand, They get the love I’ve always wanted and never had. I guess I just wish I could be someone else… I don’t know really…
When people ask where my dad is I usually lie, I say he’s busy or at work because I don’t enjoy the pity that comes with telling people that your father walked away, pity in general just pisses me off, so I avoid it by lying but i feel horrible for doing that. I don’t know what to do about it either.
I’m sorry for this little rant/ramble I just needed a way to get this off my chest and this felt like a good release.
Hold fast all of you,
I love you all,
Luna