Please judge me as kindly as you can

English is not my first language so I apologize for any inappropriate language or grammar that I made.

Hello. Let me tell you a story of my life.

I want to disclose my name so call me [Nobody]. I am going to be 24 years old this year. I used to study science in collage but quit halfway because of stress which I will tell the story later.

First, let me tell a story about my family. My family consist of myself, my father and my mother. My father is a man who had quite a temper but he’s so kind and treat me well despite his temper. My mother is a woman who had an attitude problem but never realise that she had one. If one word could discribe my family is ‘‘deceitful’’. At front, people thought we’re a happy and carring family but it’s nothing at all. Everything is a fake. My father jobless. He was dismiss from his work when I was 13. Since then, he never work. but he told our realative he does work. Well, he do all housework to make up of his lack of job. As for my mother, she is the source of our income and because of that, she thought she had right to command me and my father like a slave. She never help doing chores and never appreciate my father at all. Even when my father was still working, she never help around the house. It still a wonder why they are together when they fight like cat and dog all the time. As I get older, I realise they are just using each other and that is the reason why they still together. I love my father and I used to loved my mother too but she hurt my feeling when she told me she regret give birth to me. She always thought that I was a good for nothing that I should treat her like a queen. Like give her care and money to support her life. Well, I do wish to support my family but not on command. My mother always compare me to her younger self saying I’m a lazy bump that never help around the house. But my father said she is worse compare to me even in ‘‘her younger self’’. As for my father, although he had a temper, he never hit me or my mother when he’s angry thought he do ignore people for a long time when he’s mad. He cares for me more as he always the first person to realise if I was sick. He took better care of me when I was young and still do until now.

As for my life. I used to study science as I aim to be in medical field. In short, I am a just mediocre, good for nothing, unemployed girl. The reason why i quit my study is because I could not tolerate the pressure of every thing that been happening around me. First is my family problem, second is peer problem. I had agrument with my group as they like to throw their responsibility at me. I tried to consult with a lot of people including my lecturer but noone support me and ask me to suck it up. I tried changing my group but it pointless as there is no available spot for me ecept in the toxic group as I called it. The stress had me to the point I wish to die or run away from anything and every thing. I almost got panic attack every time I trying to go to class. In my mind, I know the worse I would get is just my lecturer getting mad at me but my body could not move and I feel like crying and throwing up every time I’m trying to walk to class. And the closest I ever got is just until the door but never manage to walk into the class. I do take a few break from collage but I still could not overcome my fear. So, I quit collage despite my family and friends objection. And now, I’m unemployed and have fear of new environment.


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