Please read

Hi…I’m needing to vent/needing support.

I have been giving my all to someone close to me who is in a serious mental health crisis. They have been hearing audible voices harassing them for a year now and are often wishing they didnt have to continue living…

I am not someone to keep in daily contact with ANYone in my life. It’s hard for me. But i have dedicated myself to this friend all year because I truly love them and want to show it by showing up. I message them every day and exchange voice notes. We have become closer than ever.

Well, recently they came out for an in person visit after they almost died from slitting their wrist…which they said was not an attempt to end their life, but frustration. After only a few days of being out here, this person created an unreal crisis (they were convinced their wallet had been stolen, when it was in their purse all along.) While despairing over this situation, the person said in front of me and my 4 year old son that they wished they had just bled out when they recently cut their wrist.

I, who recently lost my partner & father of my 4 year old son to an overdose just before our son was born…went into reaction mode in probably 1/2 a second. I felt completely outraged at this statement and, feeling completely out of control yelled “Fuck You! That is the WORST thing you could say!”

The person continued to sob and say that nobody cared about them and no one was there for them. “Well maybe I should just stop texting you!” I screamed as I ran off with my son.

Now I havent talked to that person in nearly 24hrs and they have cancelled their trip and are going home. I thought I was best friends with this person and this in person meeting was long awaited. I guess not. They are returning to a toxic environment and partner and probably blaming it all on me.

Yes, I lost control. I still cant say I regret the anger…how can I let them bully themselves and wish their own life away right in front of us?? I do wish I had cried instead of gotten angry though. I feel like my 12 months of effort were worthless and the friendship may be lost. Im going to try to say sorry but it all feels too late and I honestly want to be gone from their life…but I refuse to. 2 best friends left me in my hour of need after my partner died and it was awful. Plus, I know it was their illness speaking. Why did I lose control?

I dont know. I feel mad, sad, lost…

Hey my friend. Situations like this can be so complicated and are rarely so black and white - but the way you feel makes absolute sense.