PMDD with thoughts of self harm

I believe I get PMDD (pre menstrual dysphoria disorder) I basically have every, single, symptom.

I get the depression to a Max.
I hate my body so much and I constantly wish I was dead.
I have thoughts of self harm almost constantly in different ways while my mind is just calling myself fat, ugly, a whale, better off dead than how fat I am now.
I’m useless, hopeless and I just want to physically take it out on myself bring the mental pain to physical pain.

Because it only comes with my period which doesn’t come every month due to pcos I refuse to treat it.

I also don’t have the money to. But the depression Isa so bad that I’ve had thoughts of checking myself in because last break down was so bad…

I am really sorry you are struggling with this. It’s really difficult and sucks so much. iapmd is a great website with a lot of information. They have peer support who struggle with this also that you can reach out to. Do you track your symptoms?? This can help you know when symptoms are going to get worse. I dont have answers but can tell you that reaching out is so important. You don’t have to walk through this alone and deserve help and support. There are a few good accounts on Instagram type #pmdd and hopefully you can find support. You aren’t alone and can get through this. Take it one moment at a time.

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When it first started a few months ago I downloaded Up! To track my mood. For as much research I usually do on stuff you’d think I’d search for something like support for it. I think it’s easier to just ignore yourself and try and just get past it yourself. Call yourself stupid etc and just ignore symptoms cause it isn’t constant.

I use Instagram so much I never thought of trying to look for a tag there. Thank you for the suggestions I will have to give them all a try

Also, the biggest thing you can do is try to give yourself grace, try to change the tape thats mean and wants to self destruct. It’s easier said than done believe me I know. Tearing yourself down when you are already hurting won’t do any good. I know money is tight but have you thought of seeing a counselor I know it wont relieve the symptoms but maybe you can find coping skills and have a place to find a different narrative that isn’t just beating yourself up, that says you deserve to recover and take care of you. You deserve compassion and to be met where you are. Take some power back in your life. I know it’s a hard path and looks different for everyone but you deserve to keep fighting. A lot of counselord have sliding scales and can take you for cheap. Sometimes you have to call to find pricing but counseling has saved my life.

Thanks for suggesting that website, I’m finding it very helpful! <3

you are not alone in this! I suffer from this too and I hate it. It makes my life so difficult and it ruins my relationships. I started seeing a therapist for this and she has helped me worked on techniques to manage this. Have you considered medication? I’m currently trying to figure out what would be the best for me. A few days before my period, I move into a terrible dark place and it reflects on my relationships and my outlook on life. Then like a day or two after I get my period, I feel great and like I am invincible. Much love to you and we can get through this!


It doesn’t matter what something costs if not having it kills you.

I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but I believe I also have PMDD. At least one day in every cycle, I am in a dark emotional place and often get suicidal thoughts. I usually end up being okay on those days when I know it’s coming and when I surround myself with good people. But sometimes something else happens in my life around that time and makes everything, the physical and mental anguish, feel unbearable. There’s also a day, where I’m completely exhausted and could sleep for what seems like forever. I get confused and have trouble concentrating. And the cramps are unbearable.
Everyone’s body/situation is different, but I can relate to what you’re going through. Like someone else suggested, keeping track of your symptoms month to month, week to week, day to day, can help you recognize patterns and help prepare you for when the depression will likely occur. Keeping track of my symptoms definitely helped me feel prepared and to know it’s just my period depression talking and lying to me about my worth.

I haven’t been formally diagnosed either, but I find that the days leading up to my period I feel like a very irritable and short-tempered person. I get annoyed by the smallest things, and want to explode and yell. Also, I get upset by the smallest things. For example, if I drop some milk on the floor I might cry for a good 10-20 minutes about it. Or if my partner and I disagree about something, I am convinced that IT IS the end of the world, and I tend to cry uncontrollably, scream and yell, and hyperventilate. It’s a storm of emotion and I hate it, but I’m starting to track my symptoms now. Also, I just got diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder last week, so I might have PME (which is when symptoms of other medical conditions flare up right before period.) Anyway, it’s nice to read about other people’s experiences to know that none of us are in this alone. Stay strong ladies!

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Not sure if you have Instagram but if you # pmdd there is a lot of really good information and helped me not feel so alone. I haven’t been diagnosed with it and I personally have up trying to get one since most Drs don’t even know what it is. It’s definitely hard to manage. I hope you can find the right plan for you. Iapmd has so many great resources and has helped me a lot.